Baby shower for a 2nd child?

Avatar for duchessdina
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Registered: 03-08-2011
Baby shower for a 2nd child?
11
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 12:00pm

Do you think it is appropriate to have another baby shower if this is not your first child?  I have a cousin who is having a second child that is the oposite gender of her other child.  However, this being said, her first child is very young and she technically should have everything from her first child that she could hopefully re-use with this child.  I received the invite in the mail and immediately heard from my sister and my mom who were both furious that my cousin is having a second shower.  They don't think she needs to be getting gifts for the shower and again when the baby is born.  I guess I just want to see what all of you think about this.  I guess I always thought that the shower was only for your first child...or in rare circumstances like if your other children are way older and you probably don't have any baby things anymore.  What do you think about this?

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Registered: 01-02-2012
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 11:51am
Avatar for duchessdina
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Fri, 09-14-2012 - 7:58pm
I knew this is always a controversial topic, but my sister wanted to know what all of you think. I guess I can definitely understand wanting to celebrate every baby the same. Personally though, I'd rather fore go the shower for a second child and have some type of a celebration after the baby is born and everyone can just come and have cake and see the new baby. I was not completely sure what to think when I got the invite, I just always thought that it was usually for the first child only. I do like the idea of sprinkles, or not registering for many things. I guess I agree that if you're planning for another child that it's always good to buy the big things in neutral colors, I've only been looking at strollers and car seats in neutral colors.

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Registered: 07-05-2006
Fri, 09-14-2012 - 5:21pm
Ya, I would never plan my own shower that's for sure! One thing I did want to mention though is that at babies r us, they give you a discount after the baby is born on what wasn't purchased on your registry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2010
Fri, 09-14-2012 - 2:26pm
I completely agree with you! I think if someone knows they are going to have another baby within a couple years then they should get gender neutral stuff for the big stuff, like car seats, playpens, swings, bouncers, etc. Getting pink or blue smaller stuff like clothes, blankets, bottles, etc is fine because those are cheap to replace and a lot of time people get them as gifts with every new baby. What I did not agree with in my cousins case was the fact that they registered for EVERYTHING, as if they had not just had a baby a year prior. I mean a new crib, dressers, baby monitors, swings, carseats, strollers, bouncer and activity seats, etc all in pink now that they were having a girl. I know a lot of people still like to have a party to celebrate a new baby, and a lot of time call it a "Sprinkle" or have a diaper party, where people will buy smaller gifts like clothes, blankets, small toys, diapers, etc. I think this is fine, but unless your children are far apart in age you should already have all the big expensive items, and if you don't then it should be on you to buy it.

And definitely if friends and family are wanting to throw the shower for their loved one and the pregnant woman is okay with it then more power to them. But in my case my cousin's wife was actually planning her own shower for their second baby, so it was pretty obvious they just wanted a bunch of new stuff for free because they could not afford it on their own.
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Registered: 10-06-2010
Fri, 09-14-2012 - 11:22am

While I agree that the 2nd child should be deemed just as important as the first and that family and friends should be excited for #2,3,4,5,etc and want to celebrate with the mother-to-be, I don't think this means they should have to buy her new/more baby items.  If the mother-to-be needs/wants new/additional items then why can't they go buy it themselves? Why should they expect or rely on others to provide for THEIR baby?

If your friends and family WANT to throw you another shower, more power to them, but I don't think people who have problems with multiple showers should be deemed "cheap."  They have their own lives/families/babies to support. 

DH and I are pregnant with our second (there will be about 22 months between our children) and since we knew we wanted more than 1 child we made sure to get everything in neutral colors.  I certainly don't understand, or feel bad for, those who know they want more than 1 yet insist on getting everything pink/blue and then acting all upset when they have another child of the opposite sex.....like they didn't consider that possibility in the beginning?!?!

I do agree that times have changed and maybe the convention of only one shower is going out the window.....but it's going to take time for multiple showers to become the "norm" and I, personally, don't really like the idea.

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Registered: 07-21-2007
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 7:03pm

I am expecting my first in March, however a co-worker just had her second, a girl this past Sunday, and we threw a small shower for her. Each of us pitched in some money. No one actually bought her gifts. I don't know if she had family or friends throw her one, but  I  think a second shower is totally fine. Sure you'll probably have stuff left from the first if there isn't a large age gap, but so what? To me anyone not wanting to do a second shower just comes across as cheap. Why is a second baby not as special or deserving as the first? Especially if they are different genders. Why shouldn't the new baby receive new items? I can see things like cribs, dresers, highchairs and big stuff not being necessary, but little things like blankets, stuffies, pacifiers, bottles etc, why not? You'll always need new stuff even if its not your first. Plus I just think its a nice thing to do.Like the other poster said, showing support for a friend/family member. If anything anyone having a second probably requires people to be there for them more than the first, especially if there is a small age gap since they will then be faced with a newborn baby AND a toddler/young child.

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Registered: 01-07-2004
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 1:38pm

hello!! i was just flipping through the boards and this subject popped up and i decided to reply. i had 2 kids pretty close together-3 1/2 years-and they were both girls. i did not have a shower with my 2nd one cuz youre not supposed to...well, honestly, i could have used 1!! i had a crib, a bassinet, some clothes, a baby bathtub, a play pen, blankets and a carseat. no high chair, no bottles, no pacifiers, no diapers, warmer clothes(my oldest was born in june, my youngest-febuary), no stroller, no swing, no dresser for baby's clothes, no bath products and no diaper bag. but i was lucky-since she was born right in the middle of tax season-my inlaws went nuts and bought me just about everything i needed. now im pregnant again. this will be #3-im going to have a baby shower because its been almost 9 years since my youngest was born and 12 years since my first baby shower. plus this baby is a boy. i can see your cousin needing to have a shower since her first baby was the opposite sex from this one. i can see her wanting to celebrate her babys arrival with family and friends. i dont know-i think the idea of only having 1 baby shower might be a lil outdated. you always need stuff before your baby comes-your other child/children have worn out certain items or stained them or theyre just things that you can never have enough of(diapers, burp clothes, lotion, etc). if your mom and sister and you dont want to attend-thats totally up to you...but i can see why your cousin wants/needs another shower...
joanne

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 9:25am

Well, having had showers for three of my pregnancies and now being on my 4th pregnancy and having my friends tell me that they are having a shower for me...again! I'm kind of on the other side of this. I have a close group of friends and we have all thrown showers for each other for each baby no matter if they had a 5 year age gap like I did, or a 2 year age gap! I don't think it has to do with the mom at all, it's whether or not her friends and family actually want to throw a shower for her. She may not need anything new, but that doesn't mean that people don't still want to buy her things. People like babies, they like to shop and a lot of people don't mind throwing multiple showers.

When I told my friends I was pregnant for the 4th time and especially since it was a total surprise and not necessarily a good surprise, I immediately said 'And don't you dare throw another shower for me!' To which they replied. 'Of course we are!'

I think sometimes people just want an excuse to have a party and celebrate a new baby and the protocol and what is right or not right gets thrown out the window. The first shower is always the biggest and the subsequent showers are usually just clothes and small things...and food and cake! I don't mind going to or throwing showers for friends with multiple children. I think we get caught up in the etiquette. Who cares? Who said you couldn't or shouldn't have more than one shower? People don't have to spend much, a $20 dollar gift is more than adequate. It's the support and friendship you show to the mother that is the whole point.

Abbie

Avatar for j8songrl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 5:47pm

I just went to my cousins shower last summer and it was her third. But, he kids were 10 and 12. Her husband got fixed and then they decided they wanted another one, so he had it reversed. She obviously didn't have any baby stuff with her other two kids being so much older.

Then, my MIL had a daughter (1980) and had a shower for her. Then, the baby died at 8 months from an enlarged heart, so they decided to try again after that (DH born 1982 and is an only child- they only wanted one) and she had another shower, but barely anyone came... that's kind of a special circumstance. Plus, she-like me, had previous miscarriages.

I also had another cousin who had her babies 18 months apart and they were different genders. She did not have another shower even though everything she had from her first baby was pink. She just sold that stuff and got gender neutral stuff and got sold the stroller to upgrade to a double stroller. The baby clothes she got at those stores that sells used baby stuff.

I plan to have my first two kids about 18 months apart (God willing), so I'll get whatever I need when I need it like my cousin did.

Maybe a gift card ($25) would suffice. I, personally, will only have a shower for my first. I've heard of people having showers because it was the opposite gender or like you ladies already said the age difference. The age difference is really the only way I could see it (or special circumstances like in MIL case).

We're throwing our own shower.... actually just booked the church hall for November 3 from 1pm-4pm. We're really good at showers and spend $50-$100/each. So, we're hoping people return the generosity. I mean, don't get me wrong, we are more than capable of getting everything ourselves, but it does add up and having a baby is expensive! Plus, after the baby comes it will be all about the baby- the shower is our last hooray.

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Registered: 01-21-2010
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 2:02pm
Wow, I had this exact same situation happen a few months ago! Except it was my cousin and his wife. I did not attend the shower, and neither did most of my family. We all felt they should have still had all the stuff they registered for the second time around seeing how while she was pregnant the second time their son had just turned 2 years old. Most of the stuff she wanted in pink now instead of boy colors, instead of getting gender neutral to begin with. We think they sold or gave away a lot of essentials after their son outgrew them, even though they knew they planned on having more children, so we did not feel sorry for them or like we should have to buy them a gift.

In my family you only have a shower for your first baby, or like you said if your children were very far apart in age, like 7-8 years apart.