Boyfriend very frustrated by my pregnancy symptoms

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Registered: 12-31-1969
Boyfriend very frustrated by my pregnancy symptoms
9
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 8:14pm

I have been on medication for depression for most of my adult life.  Honestly..Depression has been a non-issue because I was on a medication that worked well.  Then SURPRISE...I find myself pregnant and quit my meds. (The Dr is fully aware) I quit my medication because I want to do what is best for my child...and getting through my pregnancy without anti-depressants is my goal.

So now I am pregnant and find myself dealing with a lot of moodiness, a loss of energy and a boyfriend who doesn't seem to 'get' any of this.

I assume my lack of energy can be caused by my mood...but also based on what I read...being pregnant freakin' makes a woman tired!

I have tried to explain to him that queasiness makes me feel less inclined to cuddle...or want to be kissed on.  He simply gets upset (I assume) feeling rejected.  I try to explain to him that being pregnant makes me feel tired...but two nights this week he gave me crap for going to bed early..Asking me if I was going to use my pregnancy as an excuse for everything.

We have always been extremely active...lots of hiking and boating...canoeing.  My pregnancy has caused a LOT of changes in me and I haven't been able to keep up with him like before.   I HATE that my pregnancy makes me feel so out of shape...but it doesn't help that he gets so frustrated with me.

I haven't been as sexual as I have always been...this also leaves him very unhappy.  I used to be able to orgasm without a problem...now it seems elusive.  Made even more impossible by the pressure he puts on me about the issue   I have tried to explain to him that my body is changing...but he doesn't seem to comprehend that :smileysad:

I am printing out some information I found online....hoping he will understand that some of this stuff is NORMAL and there isn't anything wrong with me :smileysad:

Anyone else deal with frustrated fathers-to-be?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 9:34pm
Wow! Pregnancy changes everything about you! You can't keep up with him because you actually need more oxygen now. You have twice the normal amount of blood pumping through your body. Everything is working harder and going slower. You are making a human! Of course you are going to be tired. There's got to be some way to make him understand that what u r doing is really difficult on your body. He needs to be supportive. Maybe get him a book on pregnancy from a mans perspective? Sorry you have to go through this while you feel like crap! Abbie due march6 with #4
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Tue, 09-11-2012 - 1:24am

I've been lucky, my bf is quite understanding and very supportive. Mind you I have also had quite an easy first trimester. The only thing he complains about is the moodiness/attitude I apparently have most of the time. See if your bf will come to appointments with you. My bf coms to mine, and last appointment the Dr recommended a book he read called the expectant father. Surprisingly he requested I get it and he's reading it. I think its helping.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2005
Tue, 09-11-2012 - 1:47pm

I am sorry you BF is not understanding of your symptoms. Pregnancy leaves you extremely tired, emotional, and just feeling blah in the fist trimester as your body tries to get used to the new hormones. I remember walking up just one flight of stairs in my 6th week and getting short of breath when normally I could have run up to the top of the parking structure with no problems. In the first trimester your body is doing a lot making this new little baby and taking up all your energy and nutrients along with it. I think if you assure him that things will get better he may be more understanding.

I am sorry to say but the moodiness will not go away, you have at least 2-3 times more hormones running through your body than what it normally has. You will cry for no apparent reason, be irrational, and some times just be b*%#$y. But, if you think you are starting to struggle with depression again, please tell your doctors because it can be a real problem and there are safe ways in dealing with it. Since I struggled with it in the past, I have always taken 1000mg of omega 3's to help. High doses of Omega 3's have been proven just as effective in depression as all of those prescription meds, just make sure you use one that does not have mercury in it. I like the vegetarian and krill oil ones

I agree that having him read a book or a blog from a father's perspective will help out a ton. My DH has read all of the information the doctor has given me and gone to every single appointment to listen to what my OB has to say and ask questions. I have found that the men go through pregnancy as well, and the docs are there to answer HIS questions as well as yours.

I like the way this blog is written http://www.howtobeadad.com, and no it is not on how to actually be a dad.

Avatar for duchessdina
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Fri, 09-14-2012 - 8:11pm
I so sorry that your BF is getting upset at the pregnancy symptoms. I am normally accused of being a whiner, so I'm trying extra hard to not complain about anything if I can help it. But the fact that you're off your normal meds and going through a rough time, he needs to try to be more understanding. I like the idea of having him get a book and see if he can maybe understand more what you are going through. I also was pretty active before I got pg, and I am really having a better time in my 2nd trimester. I have way more energy and can finally go back to some of the hiking and things that I liked to do. Obviously there are certain activities that are out of the question, but hopefully you can get back to things soon. I really hope that things get better for you! Keep your doctor informed if you start having any problems with the depression, it's not something to take lightly and I would hate for you to be having problems. The emotions are a roller coaster on their own! Feel free to vent any time you're frustrated and we'll try our best to help you out!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 9:00am
DH took my mood swings personally at first, but then I explained it's not him, it's not me, it's the hormones! I let him know when it's probably the hormones, and he really appreciates it and tries to comfort me since then. He's even withstood some nasty ones that I didn't notice happened 'til days later. Lol.

Anyhow, intimacy definitely had some low points due to low energy levels and HG, but the highs were super high. ;-) There is an advantage to extra blood flow, so he should make a contribution to getting/keeping "the new you" in the mood.

It sounds like he might be feeling Peter Pan-ish, but as LO grows and reacts to him (mine snuggles to whatever side of my tummy she hears DH's voice on), the daddy lightbulb will go on.

It's awesome you're doing your best to go med-free! I was never medicated for it, but I used to get panic attacks that were probably due to, also undiagnosed, PTSD. They've become much more frequent during pregnancy, but I learned that the ones I'm having during pregnancy probably have more of a physical cause (due to pressure on certain nerves/vessels) than an emotional one, so they're easier to deal with somehow. I guess physical cause and effect is easier to deal with than psychological/emotional stuff. ;-)

*Hugs*

- JM

Avatar for duchessdina
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
((((Hugs)))) I'm so sorry that you're having problems with your BF! I hope that you can work it out or that he becomes a little more understanding. I'm just so sorry for what you're going through! Vent away, that's what we're here for!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2012
Sat, 09-29-2012 - 10:52pm
this must be hard to deal with on top of also being pregnant!! I felt horrible and not like myself at all most of my first trimester. Which meant no attention for my bf as well. All I wanted was to be left alone ad understood because of how crappy I felt. What I would do is make sure to give him a ton of attention when you have some random spurts of feeling good! Then he will be able to handle the bad times a little easier :smileyhappy:. I read my pregnancy book to my bf according to the week im in. It helps him understand and feel included! Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2012
Sat, 09-29-2012 - 11:00pm
I forgot to add that I was also on lexapro for anxiety and depression before becoming pregnant and chose to go through my pregnancy without meds as well. So I totally get where your coming from!!