First Pregnancy Stress, Estranged Mother OD'd and Dying
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|Sun, 08-12-2012 - 9:59am|
Im posting here because I didnt know where to turn. Im 26 weeks pregnant with a little baby girl and I couldnt be happier. After previous miscarriage, my DH and I are so happy to be doing well.
My mother has had an addiction problem for more than 30 years. She has been in and out of rehab, in and out of jail and in and out of mental care this entire time. Growing up from a baby she would leave me alone to go get drugs or she would just get so high or drunk and pass out leaving me sitting in my unchanged diapers for hours until my father would get home. She abused my sister and I quite frequently during these times, both verbally and physically. My father left her and took my sister and I away to protect us from her and it wasnt until 2009 that I started speaking to her again. She was trying to get better. I was happy. I got engaged in 2010 to a wonderful man and we were married in May 2011. About 2 months before my wedding, the bahviour started again. She failed to show up at my shower and she did not attend my wedding. She told me she was coming to both and just didnt show up because she was high, I decided that I couldnt continue involving myself in this behavior and decided to once again cut ties.
This past Friday I recieved a phone call from my aunt telling me that my Mother had OD'd on pain killers. This wouldnt be the first time. The previous time she did this she told my sister and I she was drugged and raped. This was a lie. So I was confused. My sister and I went to the hospital and my 53 year old mother looked like she was 85. The nurse advised us that this time she is not going to make it. Her liver has failed and she is living off machines as the medication after years of liver abuse was corroding her liver.
I stood there watching her breath off machines and literally dying slowly in front of my eyes and feeling the grandchild that she will never know kicking and I felt this sudden sense of utter confusion. On one side I thought, how could you do this when you know you have a grandchild coming and you couldnt even try to get back on track before taking these drastic measures! And on the other side I felt this sense of pity and compassion.
Im dealing for 3 days now trying not to let this stress affect my child and wondering what the hell I am supposed to think or do... and I dont know the answers...