Has anyone had friends distance themselves over your pregnancy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2012
Has anyone had friends distance themselves over your pregnancy?
6
Sat, 01-19-2013 - 3:51pm

Hello everyone,

I've finally found the forums! I'm Holly, and my husband and I are thrilled to be expecting our first baby (girl) in May. I would like to know if any of you had family and/or friends back away, attempt to argue, etc. since becoming pregnant? I've had a few, and today I had a person end her friendship with me entirely. She called or daughter a nasty name on Facebook, and I told her it was inappropriate.. boom... end of friendship. I'm pretty shook up about it, but in the end I guess if she feels that way it's on her. I'm suprised that those closest to me have not been very supportive at all.. has this ever happened to anyone else? Did you wonder if it's you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2013

Hi there.

I feel the same way as you. I actually came looking for a chat forum to see if anyone else felt this way. I am also due in May and I have felt in the last few months that I am so alone when it comes to friends. My husband is so supportive and he is also my best friend so I am so lucky to have him, but I do feel lonely quite often because I miss my friends. I know everyone is busy too, my one friend that I am particularly heart broken over has just started university for the first time so I have to understand that I am not to blame but I just miss her so much and I wish she had more time for me. The other is my sister-in-law. From the day we announced our pregnancy she has been distant. Turns out they were trying as well and we kind of taken back by us announcing a pregnancy in the midst of that. Now that she is pregnant (2 months behind me) she is having complications with her poor baby so of course I am the last person she wants to be around because I am having a very healthy pregnancy thus far. 

Its hard not to take the blame for these types of situations but I am sure your friends do still love you and want to be supportive of you they are just slipping up. I hope it gets better for you. <3

Avatar for duchessdina
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011

Welcome to the group both of you!  Hopefully you'll get the support you need here and won't feel so alone.  DH and I were trying for 19 months to get pg and I can sort of understand being a little distant when a close friend gets pg.  I tried my best to be happy for all of my pg friends who were expecting but at times it's just hard when you're feeling such heartbreak yourself.  All I can say is that I hope they realize that they need to be happy for you and share your joy that you're expecting and know that it's just not their time yet.  My sister is still really upset and jealous that she's not the first one having a child since she's a year older.  She's been in multiple relationships and one where they were trying but unable to conceive while they were together.  She's still struggling with the fact that she knows so many around her that are pg and she is upset that she isn't in a place in her life where she's even ready for kids. 

How have you been feeling so far?  Are you having lots of symptoms?  I'm due in 4 weeks, so I'm to the point where I'm just ready to not be pg any more.  I'm ready to have my little girl in my arms even if I still feel a little unprepared for the labor and not quite ready for her coming home.  We have almost everything ready and I'm hoping to get the final preparations done this week so I can just wait for her to arrive. I've felt great this entire pregnancy and had few complaints. I'm just hoping that my labor isn't too bad.  I guess everyone says that once you're holding your little one then the labor is forgetable and all that matters is getting to know your new baby.

Welcome to the group both of you and I hope that you can find the support that you need.  We're all very excited here that you're expecting and hopefully your friends will come around and be more supportive to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2013

Thank-you so much for the welcome!

My sister-in-law came around for a few weeks after they announced their pregnancy but now (and rightfully so) that they are expierencing complications I feel more distanced than ever. I'm just trying to let her know that I am still here for her and I still really care about her. Hopefully soon as things get better for them she will start to come around again! 

Good-luck to you with your labour! I sill have about 16 weeks to go and I am ready to not be pregnant either. I haven't enjoyed this process much. I am so excited to meet my baby and hold him in my arms. Thank-fully I have had no morning sickness or major complications. I pulled some round ligiments earlier on and have been dealing with back pain but I am used to that now. I am really looking forward to feeling like my self again so I can differienciate between irrational horomones and real emotions!!

Good luck with your baby <3

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2012
It's been interesting, that's for sure. We had to put my sister in "time out" for screaming and demanding things of me.. anyone who knows me knows that doesn't fly. My cousins, all older than me, distanced themselves over a very civil discussion over gay rights.. I'm all for them and as a result many of them stopped speaking to me and canceled my baby shower. Yes, the are no longer willing to help welcome my daughter because I believe in gay rights. I can't sweat that one as much, it's their problem not mine. I don't need people like that around my family. Lastly, this "friend" that blew up on me; she is very anti-child. She thinks you should just get another dog, literally. She's since tried to make peace, but I haven't replied. As much as it hurt me, I realize these weren't healthy relationships to begin with. I would rather they temporarily hurt me than hurt my daughter later. My husband is INCREDIBLE, and very supportive. What else do I need at the end of the day right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2012
Hi and thank you for replying! I've taken some time to think about it, and I think people are put off because it's my first child and I already know what I'm doing for the most part. I'm very independent and strong, but I'm also very petite and young looking. If I need advice, such as now, I ask. Otherwise, I'm all set. That seems to really anger women around me. I'm not scared, I take everything in stride, we laugh at my hormonal moments when they are over, we are enjoying the journey while understanding that things will be very, very different in a few months. We know what we're getting into.. I also think, although it stings, that I'm realizing that I don't have a network of supportive people around me. I have a group that have issues with a woman who is unafraid to chase her dreams and they all want to see me fall. This is a great lesson for me to learn now; I need to set a better example for my daughter by surrounding my family with sincere people. To answer the more fun question: it's been great! I really can't complain. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop in the third trimester. I've had some bouts with nausea, but nothing too bad. I'm very petite, and thankfully I'm carrying very low so I can still breathe. I think the best part has been my emotional streaks. I'm not a crier.. at all. I'm not sappy, I don't do a lot of "chick" stuff..and I've been so emotional that at times even a cartoon reduces me to sobs. My husband, who treats me like a queen, is even more tickled to see me crying over Shrek. I do have loads of dreams. Snakes eating me, gorillas chasing me in the mall, Demons trying to steal my soul.. many a night I wake him up sobbing and he calms me down so I can sleep again. Then we laugh later and I journal it all for my daughter. Thank you again for the welcome, and I hope the delivery is smooth for you!!
Avatar for duchessdina
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011

Possibility7- I'm so sorry that your family would distance you over that type of an issue. My brother is Gay and it took a long time for my dad to deal with it. He always said my brother had a choice and should chose otherwise. Now, years later my brother moved in with his partner this past fall when he graduated. My dad had not really brought up the issue for the past 5 years and when my brother moved in with his partner, suddenly my dad was ok with everything. I think for my dad, it just took time for him to accept things and we were all surprised that my brother's partner was welcomed without question! Gay rights issues do stir up a lot of anger in certain people, but I have to agree with you that if someone has a big enough problem with it then I wouldn't want them around my children.

I'm sorry that you're having crazy dreams. I didn't have any nightmares and my dreams let up some in the 2nd trimester. Otherwise I'm glad that you've been feeling well. My entire pregnancy has been very mild compared to a lot of people I know. I am starting to feel a little more uncomfortable and have had problems breathing since probably week 32 or so. She just tends to hang out up in my rib cage and so from time to time I have to just shift somehow so I can breathe more easily. I've carried her very high though, the entire pregnancy. I've had very little heartburn though and I never really had the nausea, just upset stomach.

PreggyMeggy- I'm glad you're feeling relatively good as well other than the back pain. Your 16 weeks will go fast! It's amazing how fast it goes, but yet it still feels like you've been pregnant forever...not sure how it's possible to feel like that but it's how I've felt about it.

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