Hurtful mother - what should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Hurtful mother - what should I do?
Fri, 04-01-2011 - 4:20am

Hi everyone! I'm 15 weeks pregnant and very happy for it!

Since I'm pregnant I decided to not be involved with some people (specially family) because of their opinions and comments that were driving me crazy! But the worst is my own mother! She has been telling me things about when she was pregnant with me that I didn't know before and also have been making some hurtful comments to me. I notice she wasn't very careful when she was pregnant. For instance, she told me that when she was 7/8 months pregnant it was very hot and she was eating an entire box of icecream every 2 days! OMG! She didn't stop and think for a moment that doing that could be hurtful to me???

Then, she's now always making comments about my weight! I only gained 8.8 pounds (4kg) so far, but it seems she has some kind of pleasure in mentioning that to me! Like for example the other day we were on a clothes shop, I was trying some dresses and she was shouting to me in front of everyone: "does it fit?" "maybe you need the extra large!!!".

But for me the worse was a comment she made to the mother of my husband, and he heard it too. At the beginning of my pregnancy I had to go to her town for work and then I stayed a few days at her house. I was being VERY careful with everything I was eating, specially when going out to eat, and I was also very nauseous so I couldn't eat a lot of foods. Then 2 weeks ago her comment was: "oh thank goodness she's not like that anymore having to watch everything she eats, I couldn't stand her anymore!"

I feel so hurt by her saying this! As my mother, she should be happy I'm being careful with what I eat and if I was nauseous it's me who cannot stand it anymore, not her! It's very sad this coming from my own mother. I'm on my first pregnancy, feeling a bit vulnerable and scared and I don't need these comments or people telling me about my weight when I didn't even gained a lot of weight!

I don't know if I should have a conversation with her or just keep the distance. What do you think of all this?

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Avatar for cmkristy
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Fri, 04-01-2011 - 10:30am

Awww, (((HUGS))) to you. It sounds like this pregnancy has brought out an unpleasant side of your mom for some reason. I can certainly understand why your feelings are hurt!

Do you feel like it would be beneficial to talk to your mom about how her comments are making you feel? If you are close to her, and you think that a talk would help, I'd strongly recommend discussing this with her. However, if you think it will only make matters worse, you may want to just try and limit your time with her until the baby arrives. Hopefully by then she'll be able to keep some of her comments to herself.

I wish you the very best of luck! Please let us know how things are going.

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