Is it normal to feel lonely at times?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2009
Is it normal to feel lonely at times?
2
Sat, 01-15-2011 - 10:44pm

So I usually feel good, positive and happy about my pregnancy. But there are times that I feel scared, lonely and lost.

My fiance is the most wonderful person I could ever ask for. Hes supportive, loving, caring and takes great care of me. And even with him being the greatest ever I still feel scared and lonely at times. I think its because I don't have family for friends to really share this with, ask questions or to support me. We recently moved and I don't know anyone within 10 hours from me.

Also, I feel like my fiance's ex-wife is dampening what should be an exciting time. I'm only 10 weeks and already want to celebrate and tell everyone. We want to be the first ones to tell his 2 boys so we can make sure they are told in a positive light. And we're afraid if we tell anyone his ex-wife could possibly find out and tell the boys bad things about it. She already tells the boys things like 'daddy doesn't give me any money to take care of you guys and thats why we do without' (he pays $1875, her car payment and $400 additionally for clothes), she also tells them things like daddy chose her over you, daddy loves her more and so on. So we can only imagine how easy it would for her to make this a bad thing to the boys. I don't like having to be afraid of what shes going to do when someing she won't like happens.

On top of that, my biological father who suddenly wanted to be apart of my life again this summer already "disowned" me, and he has no idea im prego which he acted like he wanted to be a grandfather asap. He wrote terrible things to and about my fiance and I on my facebook. Which I expected it to happen as he has "disowned" me 5 or so times since I was 13, when ever it suits him so I'm pretty numb to his antics but it just depresses me more knowing I have a baby on the way. To think that this is the grandfather that I have to provide my kid with. And my mother isn't too much better. A drug addict that chain smokes and lives in a dump w/o gas which means she can't cook, have hot water or heat. Not exactly the most ideal person to have a kid around.

I've worked hard to have a good life. I have a nice car, beautiful home, wonderful fiance, I'm in school to be a paralegal while working in a district position within a huge nation wide company. Both of my future stepsons adore me, even with all their mother has said/done which is amazing to me, and I can't even begin to explain how excited my fiance is about having another child. I've never seen a man so giddy and supportive. I have to admit it feels good, but I don't know why I feel so bad. I just can't get over the fact that I have no family to give my child and that my stepsons will have such a better life compared to our kid. Financially, family, everything. We don't have much money as it is and the boys are always talking about their trips, toys, and what have you. Not that I'd give my kid that much if I could, but the fact I don't even have that option and his/her brothers will and will tell him/her all about it makes me worried.

When I'm not feeling so down, I realize its not that bad. And that it will work out and be ok, though things aren't ideal but I have these down days. Is this just a phase? Will it get better when I can talk about it? How miserable can the ex really make me? How will the boys effect my child emotionally? Theres more to it then just them having a lot financially, the youngest has behavrial probems, like physically choking his older brother and the boys is almost 5. I know I need to quit worrying and stressing, whats the best way?

I also feel frumpy, worn out and blah. I'd love to get my hair cut, do my nails or anything. But with us squeaking by and having to prepare for a child (HUGE exspense) I just don't feel right doing anything for myself. Please just tell me this goes away after the 12th week....

Meez 3D avatar avatars games
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2011
Mon, 01-17-2011 - 5:19pm
Hi there,

This board doesn't really get a lot of traffic for some reason. Anyway I'm just popping in to say, "Count your blessings and think positive". It could just be all of the hormones raging through your body right now but then again having a baby is a huge responsibility and its normal to feel scared, nervous, and anxious sometimes.

So your dads a jerk, accept it and move on. If he's that fickle with you I'd think really hard about having him in my babies life. I haven't spoken to my dad since 2008 and as of right now I have no plans to.

Just concentrate on being happy and healthy for you and the baby. I know that's easier said then done. I'm 25 and expecting my first baby with my college sweetheart whom I've known for about 8 years. He already has 2 boys and doesn't want me to keep this baby. Unbelieveable! See what I mean about counting your blessings?? You have a supportive and excited fiance! I feel lonely and alone because I don't have HIS support (at least I have a supportive family) and he looks at this like a problem instead of a beautiful surprise.

I could go on and on but I'll stop here. LOL I'm just saying be happy and I'm sure you can blame some of these feelings on the hormones. Luckily they won't last forever. When are you due? August? Come over to the expecting clubs if you haven't already. And if you ever need to chat, send me a message, I think they still allow you to do that. :)

-Coup
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2009
Wed, 01-19-2011 - 7:06pm

I have my first doctors appointment next tuesday. So as of right now, my best guess is around August 15th. Thanks for the invite at the other board. I'll hop over there!

Meez 3D avatar avatars games