Mom didn't tell me this on purpose just to hurt me

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2011
Mom didn't tell me this on purpose just to hurt me
Tue, 05-17-2011 - 10:01am

For my mother, giving support to me as a child has always been related to giving money. I never felt emotionally supported from her but now I'm 7 months pregnant I thought it could be different (go figure why). All these months she seemed very happy with my pregnancy and becoming a grandmother. We had an argument last week and we didn't speak since. So she did something yesterday that really shocked me.

Me and my husband we're moving to a new home and since it's not "ours" yet to move, I gave her home address to receive my mail. Yesterday I had a booked appointment with my doctor and when I arrived at the clinic they told me it was canceled and they re-scheduled it to this Friday. They said they sent a letter to my address last week informing about the situation.... they also said they had the confirmation that the letter arrived because she had to sign in order to receive it.

I was in shock because my mother received the letter from the clinic last week and didn't care about telling me about it. I have a huge belly right now and the clinic is a 40km drive. She used to have the habit of opening all my mail so I'm almost sure she opened the letter and decided to totally ignore it, making me drive all the way there for nothing. And even if she didn't open the letter, it has the clinic name and address so she should contact me because it could be something urgent. And because of the argument last week (where she said some nasty things to me) she didn't care.

I'm really really sad and hurt with her attitude. I would never do such a thing to my daughter! I believe that contacting and telling about the letter should be a priority over any argument, especially when you care about your daughter and her baby! Even my husband's mom was shocked with her attitude. I'm also shocked to know she did this on purpose... but what kind of mother would do this on purpose????

I already went to the post office and changed my address so no more letters go to her home. This let me feeling so deeply sad, especially being pregnant. I don't feel like talking to her anymore after this.

Any comments would be appreciated helping me understand why a mother would do this to a daugther.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2008

I'm sorry that that happened. I don't know your Mom or your history with her, but is there a chance that she assumed the Dr's office would call you about the cancellation? Regardless she should've called you to be sure, but do you think that's a possibility? It's obvious that you're still

Tracie, proud 1st time Mommy to Jake! "Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future" - Oscar Wilde
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2008
I don't know why any mother would do this to their daughter. I would call her and ask her about this. Instead of just letting it eat away at you, you should bring it up to her. Nothing is worse than letting a problem just stew, especially when pregnant. Good luck and I hope you and your mom talk and work things through
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2011
My mother and I have a pretty tumultuous history as well. I can totally understand what you're going through. Up until this past Christmas, my mother and I didn't speak for almost 2 years. That was my decision due to the fact I was sick of being put through guilt trips. However, over the holidays, we worked some things out, and I just told her 2 days ago that I'm almost 10 weeks pregnant with my first child (and her first grandchild). We've been getting on alright since the holidays, but we still have some work to be done our relationship. I, such as yourself, am in high hopes that my pregnancy can bring us that much closer.

Have you tried sitting down with your mom for a serious mother/daughter chat? I always felt it would be a waste of time, but when I finally laid it all on the line and told her how she's always made me feel, it really lifted a huge cloud off of the both of us. If it's not something that's been attempted, I do recommend that you give it a go.

I really hope it works out between the two of you, and I wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2007
thats horrible