Need womens advice on decision making process of having a baby.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2011
Need womens advice on decision making process of having a baby.
13
Wed, 06-29-2011 - 11:03pm

Hi Ladies,

My fiance and I have recently been discussing whether or not we should try to have a baby. Basically I would just go off my birth control pills and we would lt nature take its course. We're in college still and have discussed this from ever single angle possible. I personally would love to start our family but we both want to make sure that we're making the right decision for not only ourselves but for our future child, be able to fully provide and so on. I'm sure that with communication, love, and team-work we can definitely handle the responsibilities of having a child. But I did want some outside advice. I myself am 18 and he is 19. We know we're young and that this isn't a decision that everyone our age would make but we just feel as if we are ready for this milestone in our relationship. Personally I feel like when you know, you know. Can you guys give me some input please? Maybe you can help me to think of other things that we haven't already discussed or thought about.

Thank you!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007

Hello,

I don't normally visit this board, but just stumbled across your message.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2010

Darlin! Life is SO much harder when you get out into the real world, trust me. The friends that I know that got pregnant that young didn't get to finish college, the relationships they were in fell apart and they ended up dropping out of school, moving back home and working a minimal wage job while trying to support a child on their own. They thought having a baby would be fun and babies are so sweet and cute! And if you love one another we can last through anything... then the baby was born, and reality set in.

I know everything seems so romantic and exciting when you're young and in love, but rushing a baby into the equation will only make things worse. My husband and I have been married for 2 and 1/2 years and we're 25 years old and JUST NOW deciding that not only are WE ready for a child, but that our careers and lifestyles are ready as well.

Do not underestimate how much a baby will change things, you're still a baby yourself! You're 18!! I'm not even remotely the same person I was at 18 and neither will you be. The best thing that you can do is wait. Wait until you're both done with school, married, and then HAVE FUN! Go out and spend time with just the two of you! Because as soon as a baby arrives, all that fun, romantic time takes the back seat hun.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2010
Finish school would be my advice... I never did but I am very fortunate my husband did and graduated with a degree in a well-paying field that will allow me to be a stay at home mom. If it werent for at least his degree it would be so hard to afford a child. If I had finished school and gotten my degree as well we would be in a better financial position now and things would be even easier! Just hold out til graduation. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
I'll third the advice to finish school. Even if you want to be a stay-at-home mom, your circumstances may change. If you finish school, you will be in a much better position to support your family should the need arise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-1999
oh you have so much time....I would recommend waiting to have kids! Once you have kids, you can basically kiss your freedom goodbye. You won't regret waiting till later on or at least until done with school.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2011

I'd like to start by saying I don't think anyone at any age is ever truly prepared to become a parent, regardless of whether the pregnancy was planned or unplanned. No matter how much you analyze and plan for baby, there are always going to be things that you overlook or don't think about until he or she is actually here.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2011
Hi there, I'm kind of in the same boat with you only we've been married for 5 years, ages 24 and 26. I know how you feel about trying to make this big decision. My best advice in your situation is get married first and wait 3 years or more. After the 3 year mark of living with each other you'll know if things are mean't to be and if your situation is fit to have a child. Hang in there and remember no matter what happens that you love each other!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2009

DON'T DO IT.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2009

Also you said: "but we just feel as if we are ready for this milestone in our relationship."

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