Need womens advice on decision making process of having a baby.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2011
Need womens advice on decision making process of having a baby.
13
Wed, 06-29-2011 - 11:03pm

Hi Ladies,

My fiance and I have recently been discussing whether or not we should try to have a baby. Basically I would just go off my birth control pills and we would lt nature take its course. We're in college still and have discussed this from ever single angle possible. I personally would love to start our family but we both want to make sure that we're making the right decision for not only ourselves but for our future child, be able to fully provide and so on. I'm sure that with communication, love, and team-work we can definitely handle the responsibilities of having a child. But I did want some outside advice. I myself am 18 and he is 19. We know we're young and that this isn't a decision that everyone our age would make but we just feel as if we are ready for this milestone in our relationship. Personally I feel like when you know, you know. Can you guys give me some input please? Maybe you can help me to think of other things that we haven't already discussed or thought about.

Thank you!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2011
And just because I'm on my phone and can't edit, just want to say I love children, I'm a teacher, and I already adore my unborn child. I also have 4 animals, and I believe pets are the gateway to motherhood. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2011
Just gonna throw my 2 cents :)

While no one is ever truely 'prepared' for parenthood, considering you're current position in life, I would wait. You're in school and while it's very much possible to finish with a child, you will be very stressed, which can cause baby stress and fiance stress.

I'm young like you. I'm 20, 15 weeks pregnant, but I'm married, own a home, and DH and I are already settled into our careers. Every situation is different, mine has worked out the way DH and I planned it ever since we got into a serious relationship. But that is not always the case. I worked 2 jobs and lost one due to my pregnancy, the other one is part time and will be my career once DH owns his own school. (Which will probably be in 3 years). We didn't finish college because it just wasn't for us, so we lost our opportunity to go back.

Just consider your options. Babies are fun, but it's a full time job that can change your life plans, amd your daily plans. I babysit on weekends and believe me, I'm not cheap, especially when I have so many other things to take care of, so I need a lot of money. Motherhood is the same, only you don't get paid (money at least). And you don't have time for yourself. Do what's best for you, baby, and your relationship. No need to rush through things :)

Just think it through, you won't regret waiting. :) Enjoy going out to parties and dates with your fiance. good luck dear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2008
I have always wanted a baby and to be a mom. When I was 22, my BF and I became pregnant. It caused a lot of stress, especially with our families. We are still together 5 years later and now have 2 kids and love our life, but it is extremely hard. Why not finish school and give your family that much more of a better start. Do you know how many times my husband and I think that it would be so nice to go on vacation or go out for a couple of hours. Anytime you want to go out, you need to bring the baby or hire a sitter which is about $10 an hour! You guys are so young and haven't even been able to experience a lot yet! You aren't old enough to go out and party, drink, have fun drunken nights, go on vacation by yourselves! There are just so many things that you should do before you settle down. Kids are great, but they are a lot of work. I am a SAHM and I love it, but do you know how many times I think I would have loved to have finished college to show my girls how important education is and that I could have been more for them.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2009

Also you said: "but we just feel as if we are ready for this milestone in our relationship."

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2009

DON'T DO IT.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2011
Hi there, I'm kind of in the same boat with you only we've been married for 5 years, ages 24 and 26. I know how you feel about trying to make this big decision. My best advice in your situation is get married first and wait 3 years or more. After the 3 year mark of living with each other you'll know if things are mean't to be and if your situation is fit to have a child. Hang in there and remember no matter what happens that you love each other!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2011

I'd like to start by saying I don't think anyone at any age is ever truly prepared to become a parent, regardless of whether the pregnancy was planned or unplanned. No matter how much you analyze and plan for baby, there are always going to be things that you overlook or don't think about until he or she is actually here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-1999
oh you have so much time....I would recommend waiting to have kids! Once you have kids, you can basically kiss your freedom goodbye. You won't regret waiting till later on or at least until done with school.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2007
I'll third the advice to finish school. Even if you want to be a stay-at-home mom, your circumstances may change. If you finish school, you will be in a much better position to support your family should the need arise.

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