Somewhat of a rough evening =/

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Registered: 08-27-2003
Somewhat of a rough evening =/
5
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 10:57pm

Tonight Dustin and I were going out to dinner. He was in a bad mood already from lack of sleep. I started talking to him about how I need to go to school and we need to put our heads together to come up with a way to make that possible (classes for the particular course I'm getting in doesn't start till next fall, but you have to apply really early). I told him we're never going to get ahead, until I get my degree and that putting things off isn't helping. So I told him I've been playing with the idea of maybe considering that I moved to Indiana for my year of school. Because there I would have TONS of assistance with childcare. My mother works evenings and I have cousins and my SIL that would be willing to babysit. At first he was like well...that doesn't sound bad. BUT he wouldn't want to miss out on a year of her life, off and on through plane trips. So I said no big deal, just an idea to get things rolling. Then I just felt like crying. And I did. Things have been so tough living here. Dustin's family is not affectionate and my family is very much so. And because Dustin's family isn't very loving he has started to change as well. I feel like, I am who I am around my family. And that I'm missing out on all my neices and my family that is growing and constantly changing....Well I think we have come to a settlement for the school thing. I just wish I wasn't in Connecticut. I miss Indiana. :( I have cried many tears because of it. After I had Ani I would sit around for days crying off and on. Now I've learned to deal with it. *sigh*

  Kristina & Ani Rose 3/21/03   

"A child said, What is the grass

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Registered: 04-18-2003
Sat, 10-25-2003 - 1:19pm

I am sorry to hear about your dilema. I wish I could do something to help you. These are the times where you wish you were 5 again and lifes biggest concern at the time was whether you could have cookies before dinner.


I hope things get better and you are able to fill the credits you need. I know it must be hard to be so far from your family. What about his job transfering him or him getting a comparable job in Indiana?


*Hugs & best wishes*

Brandy

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Registered: 08-27-2003
Sat, 10-25-2003 - 10:05pm

Thanks for your reply Brandy. We just have a lot of stuff to think about. Sometimes Dustin doesn't want to move close to Indiana. He thinks we should move to PA so that we're inbetween IN and CT. But his parents are moving to SC in about 10 years when they retire, and we'd still be awful far from them. Then theres always the issue as to when to move. Because that changes everything as far as when we will have our next child and get a house built.


Dustin I believe will have the option to transfer to one place in Michigan and two places in Illinois. He works for a company called General Dynamics, thats a large company. And I believe transfering won't be an issue. Some days he's ok with moving close to IN. And somedays he hates the idea. In the long run I'm clueless as to what we should do. But hopefully within time we can come to a conclusion that suits us both.


Sorry this is all scattery. My mind is all over the place and wore out after a busy birthday party today. But thank you again Brandy!! :)

  Kristina & Ani Rose 3/21/03   

"A child said, What is the grass

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Registered: 05-14-2003
Sun, 10-26-2003 - 1:38am
Hi Kristina,

Wow, I feel really um, well like we are just way to similar. First let me ask, where did you get the name roxygirl from? Roxy was my "party name" when I was in college. When I would go to the bar and didn't want to tell people my real name I would say, oh my name is Roxy, short for Roxanne. Soon I was wearing the Roxy brand clothing and everyone knew that's who I was when I went out. Ahhh, the good old days.

Anyway, now to your location dillema. I just want to share my story with you. I am originally from New Mexico. I graduated and got married in December and becuase my husband worked in Texas this is where I had to move to. I love the area, like the city and all, but otherwise I hate it here. We have no family here at all, which is totally odd to me becuase I was raised in a single mother household that is very very close. My mom is my best friend, and my little brother is like my first son(we are 7 years apart and I helped my mom raise him) also, I have no friends at all here. When I was pregnant I would just hang out with my hubbies work buddies, but they are all older computer geeks(I'm a nerd myself I admit) but they are unmarried, and completely into thier math and computer technical based jobs. They rarely leave work and so I really don't have anything in common with them, even though they are nice and I can have surface chit chat with them I don't consider them true friends. So that leaves me to feel very alone. Now that Malachi has been born I feel even more alone, and desperate for friends and family. Anyone to help me out with my boy, give me a chance to nap, or just to have adult conversation with. My hubby knows I'm miserable and so we have sold our house and he is looking for a job in NM so we can move back. He just got called on Friday for an interview, so that's good. I already have a job back in New Mexico and I start in the middle of November or so. This means I will be moving without my DH if he has not gotten the job he has an interview for by then. The thought scares me to death, I don't know how our marriage will work being long distance. And frankly even us moving together freaks me out, I hate to think that my DH could hate the move and be as miserable as I have been here. Like Dustin sometimes my DH seems happy to be moving and other times he admits that it sucks that we are moving. It's all horribly confusing and nerve racking.

I just wanted to let you know that there is someone out there in the same boat as you. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that somehow things always work out for the best. It seems as though the move back home for us is coming together slowy but surely. Hopefully the same happens for you. I know how horrible it is to miss friends and family.

Good Luck To You

Christina

spriteswings@netscape.net

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Registered: 08-27-2003
Sun, 10-26-2003 - 12:41pm

Wow Christina, we have a ton in common. When I seen your introduction I meant to ask you where home was for you. Everything is so tough. Dustin keeps just wanting to put off thinking about things. I've talked to my mom about it and she says to leave it and maybe he'll change his mind. I keep telling him, sorry but I'm a bit selfish on this. I HAVE to be close to my family. I feel like I'm missing so much here. I too am very close to my mother. I grew up with a father that was abusive, and my mother was basically a single parent. But I don't regret the way my father was, because it has brought me so close to my family. My little brother I also helped to take care of a lot because my mom use to work constantly to be able to afford things. Though he's only 3 years younger than me. I have a wonderful relationship with him, and he comes to me for advice and approval. Everything gets really stressful sometimes. My SIL delivered my neice this Friday, and I couldn't talk to my mom on the phone too long to hear the news because my heart hurt. I wanted to be there so bad. My SIL is also a very good friend of mine. Part of the reason why we can't move as well is because Dustin has a wonderful job. He pipefits on war submarines on the coast. He's currently in an apprenticeship program and we have to wait out for that to finish before we can move. In Indiana he never would of found such a great job, and I have a job working part time that I really enjoy.


After I had Ani, I use to sit around and cry constantly. I went back home to visit with Ani when she was 3 mos and Dustin one day got really sad and told me he was scared I'd leave and never come back. We do have family here, Dustin's family. And our families are as different as night and day. My family is very loving, his family shows love through money. I can talk to my mom about personal things and joke with my family, here I have to be proper and can't say certain things around them. I just don't understand the point in being here. I know he loves his family. And he always tells me they just show love differently. But his parents are moving in 10 years and his sister has always wanted to live on the west coast. His extended family is great, but we only see them on holidays or special occasions.


I really hope things work itself out. I have learned to deal with being here. I just shove away my emotion. Everytime we get on this subject, Dustin's first thing to say is "You hate it here". I always tell him "Your right, I do. But I'm dealing with it." He says that in Indiana he has no one he feels close to. I've tried to make friends here but no one really has things in common with me. Being from the midwest I'm very casual and I don't feel as comfortable around anyone besides my friends and family there. Plus it's hard to find someone that has things in common with you when your a young parent, and married.


I hope things work out for you Christina. I know how tough it is. Especially right after your little one is born and you have tons of things on your mind. If you ever need someone to talk to, please feel free to email me. My email address is R0xyg4l@hotmail.com .


PS My name is Roxy because of the clothing line. I use to be OBSESSED! lol I have this friend that always sings the Roxanne song to me lol. I love it when he does. We're just backwards on it. Your name stemmed from the song then went to the clothing line. lol Mine went clothing line then song. I want a kitty named Roxy. I think that would be cool lol. :)

  Kristina & Ani Rose 3/21/03   

"A child said, What is the grass

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Sun, 10-26-2003 - 4:50pm
Hugs to you Kristina! I have lots to say, just becuase we are in such similar circumstances. But due to lack of time and words to put it all in I will just say that I think that everything will work out for the best for both of us, we just have to have patience.

Also......


Ha Ha Ha!!! I did have a cat named Roxy!! My freshman year in college, I snuck him in and he lived with me in the dorms for a whole semester.

Okay, back to the football games, and an especially grumpy baby. Hope your having a great day.

Tina