Too young to have a baby?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Too young to have a baby?
5
Sun, 08-26-2012 - 3:18am

I'll make this short. Me and my girlfriend are both 16 and my girlfriends mom says that if she gets pregnant then she'll take custody of the baby. Only problem is that her mother is very mean and didn't even treat her own kids that well. Me and my girlfriend are in a long distance relationship and have no intentions of breaking up. However, we won't take abortion or adoption for an answer. I need help to know how I can get there without my parents knowing because they don't want me to go see her, and I need to know how I'm going avoid my girlfriends mom from taking custody of our child.

Avatar for duchessdina
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Sun, 08-26-2012 - 9:37am
This sounds like a very complicated situation and I'm not sure if I'm the best one to advise you on what to do. I don't even know legally what can be done since you are a minor. I'm sorry I'm not much help. Have you tried speaking with your guidance counselor at school for advice)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Sun, 08-26-2012 - 3:04pm

All I can say is this. You are a minor, and that being said if you leave without your parents permission and they find out, legally the police can find you and bring you back. Babies having babies is never a good situation. At your age your brain is still developing and technically you can't predict the concequences of your actions fully.Hence why I am assuming you are in this situation. Leagally your gf's mother will probably be awarded custody and considered legal guardian, as a minor, neither of you really have say. IMO, if your too young to drink, barely leagal to drive, too young to vote, too young to have a credit card, too young to buy a house etc. Your too young to have a child.Your not even finished highschool.

My suggestion is this, your a child. In fact you probably have just as little say in this as an 8 year old would. There is very little you can control about this situation. Leave it to the adults to handle. You say your gf's mom is mean? Of course shes mean, your teenagers. I don't know anyone when they were 16 that didn't think their parents were mean. When I was 15/16 I ran away from home, partied etc. I thought I was invincible and that I should have control over my life and do what I wanted to do. I thought I knew best.I thought my dad was the biggest a**hole on the face of the planet. But he wasn't, he just loved me and was always doing what was best for me. You'll learn this in a few years once you've grown up and emotionally matured. Personally  I am pro-choice. I am also adopted myself. Think of it this way. You two do not live near one another, you legally have very little say in this situation. And your just too young for this. Not to mention your gf can't even take prenatal vitamins because she is under 18. Which are essential to a pregnant woman for the baby's development. Anyways, would you like to have a child that will be raised by two children, or with an uncertain/unstable future? Probably not. That isn't fair to the baby, who obviously is totally innocent in all this.Instead of looking to total strangers for advice, when your only 16, turn to your parents. That is what they are there for.Wouldn't you want your own baby to do the same?? Now that you may possibly become a dad, put yourself in your parents shoes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2010
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 9:01am
I don't think shutting out the adults in both yours and your girlfriends life is a good option right now. Especially if you do want to keep the baby and raise it. You are going to need help. Even if both of you had part time jobs you would never be able to make enough money to care for a baby on your own, let alone get your own place to live to do it. Babies are VERY expensive! And if you did not have help you would end up throwing away your education as well. I think you need to talk to your parents, or some other adult you can trust. And by adult I mean someone much older, not some 18-21 yr old friend of yours. Get their advice and discuss some REAL options.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2005
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 6:32pm

First of all, no matter what you do, you will need the help of your parents. Second, all the parents (which includes the two of you since you are about to become parents) involved need to have an open and honest talk about this decition and how you and your GF are going to take care of this child. Nothing good ever comes out hiding or lying about something from your parents, but yours and your GF's parents also need to see your side of this situation and know that you want to keep this child and will do whatever needs to be done to make it happen.

Now on to the legal part: Legally if you and your GF can not provide for the child to the satisfaction of the state authorities than her parents can fight for legal custody of your child if they can prove the two of you are unfit parents. This does not mean that her parents can automatically get custody, most courts will take into consideration that the two of you are still in school working to better yourselves and the future of your child and getting part time jobs on the weekends isn't a bad idea either. 

The two of you need to do a little research on how much the things for this baby will cost, your GF needs to get in to see an OB asap to get a prenantal work up, come up with a game plan on how you will raise this child while still going to school, and at least you need to get a part time job on the weekends and after school to help provide for this child. If you can prove to your parents that the two of you have steped up to take responsability for this child's safety and well being they really do not have a say in what happens to this child. They can neither force your gf to get an abortion nor give the child up for adoption, she does have rights.

Here are some helpful websites to get you started (these are just general ones, the people at WIC should be able to help the two of you out more):

http://www.preteen-thru-teenage-parenting-action-guide.com/teenage-pregnancy-options.html

http://www.fns.usda.gov/wic/howtoapply/eligibilityrequirements.htm

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/pregnancy-4250.htm

http://www.medicaid.gov/