VENT...

Avatar for j8songrl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
VENT...
4
Mon, 08-20-2012 - 2:23pm

So my mom and I have not had the best relationship. She raised me, but I ended up being everything I am in spite of my upbringing-thank goodness! I moved out at 18 into DH (BF at the time) parents home. They are very religious, so they kept us on separate floors on separate sides of the house... I was actually right across from his parents. My mom and I have maybe spoke a total of six months (maybe) in ten years. She missed my senior prom, high school graduation, college graduation, wedding shower, and wedding. Anyway, today we planned to go to lunch, so she could see the baby bump and ultrasound photos... Surprise, surprise, she doesn't disappoint and she cancelled. I anticipated her doing that, but it's still frustrating that I allowed myself to even give her my time. UGH, and I am not trying to be spiteful, but I really don't want her coming to the baby shower trying to buy a bunch of stuff (she's the type of person who likes the credit to say she helped) or the hospital when I have the baby. She proved or re-proved the type of person she is. That's exactly why she'll have little contact with her grandchildren (from me) unless I am around and only in public since I refuse to go to her house and won't allow her in mine- it's that bad!

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Avatar for j8songrl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
In reply to: j8songrl
Sat, 08-25-2012 - 9:53am

Thanks for your replies ladies! I just needed to get that off my chest when it happened... you know, being pregnant we all try not to stress too much!

I guess, I'll just take it as it comes. I don't want my kids to miss out, but honestly my mom is the type of person that should of had custody taken away from her with the three of us kids she had. That's why I said only having contact in public places and with me being present. My brother and sister are both just like her, too. The only reason I ended up different is 1)because I had goals/aspirations and 2)my husband has been so supportive and pushing me to succeed- to the point where he'd juggle different jobs just to make sure I had a way back and forth to school. I have great in-laws on both sides, so our kids will have plenty family that love them. They have accepted me from day 1 and even more now being married into the family and expecting our first baby. My husband is an only child, so he's spoiled by everyone and through that so am I and so will our kids.

In a way I feel cheated because all the important milestones I've needed my mom to be there, she wasn't. But, I know it'll just make me that much of a better mom, so I am okay with it. My husband has been my biggest support system and there whenever I needed him to be (substitute for someone else or otherwise) he's there- cheering me on! I am truly lucky/blessed to have met him at 16. He's an amazing man and always knows how to make things better. That's what made me fall in love with him is his ability to make me laugh, even when I didn't want to.

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Registered: 01-26-2006
In reply to: j8songrl
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 12:36am
Oh gosh :smileysad: that's so hard. I agree with you though. It's hard to let someone into your life when they've proven time and again to be a disappointment.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
In reply to: j8songrl
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 1:55pm

hello!! im sorry you have such a bad relationship with her. my mom and i got superclose when i was pregnant with my first and weve stayed that way since. i have learned though to accept her as she is-she can be very immature, very stubborn and a lil teenager-ish. but i love her-and she has helped me out with my kids termendously. my sister in law sounds like your mother-if its not all about her-shes not interested. she has to be the center of attention or she wont come around. we were supposed to get together last weekend and have a big family day and at the last minute, she canceled. the last time she was here-we all went to a family reunion and all the family members fawned all over her. this time it would have been just us-so she wasnt interested. she always wants to be credited with helping too and if she loans you a dollar, youll hear about it for months. so i understand. i just hope you can figure out a compromise with your mother. you could extend invites and if she keeps turning them down, dont extend any more. give yourself a limit-like 3 or 4 and then when she doesnt come-be done with it...ive done that with a few of my dhs relatives. theyre like my sil-they like to show off but dont want anything to do with anything you or your kids have going on. so i will just stop inviting them to things. no more birthday parties, no baby shower (if i have another one), no baptism-nothing. cuz im tired of them not showing up too. my sil might fall into that category too...i havent decided yet.dont invite her up to the hospital if you dont want her to be up there, dont do anything that you dont want to do-maybe she'll change after you have the baby-its possible. i understand though-and you have to do whats right for you and your family-even if that means cutting her out completely. take care!!
JOANNE 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2010
In reply to: j8songrl
Tue, 08-21-2012 - 8:21am

I'm sorry things are so bad between yous, i hope you can work somethin out for when your baby comes, it would be so sad for her to miss out on her grandson

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