Not ready to disclose at work yet...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2011
Not ready to disclose at work yet...
9
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 12:50pm
I started a new job very early in my pregnancy. I work at a remote office and my boss and all coworkers are located in a different state. I didn't want to disclose the pregnancy too early, because I really wanted to prove myself on the job so I could hopefully negotiate for more time/flexibility when LO arrives. Then, it was announced that our team would soon be getting a new boss, so I figured I would just wait until that person came on board to disclose.

Fast forward to now and I am still not "out". I want to wait as long as possible without leaving my boss in a bind (I only get 6 weeks off :( so I figure the very latest I should tell would be 6-10 weeks in advance) because I am concerned i could be fired or marginalized outright (although it is a big company on the Working Mother Top 100 list, it is very archaic in its practices -- not family-friendly).

However, one of my co-workers is coming to visit next week! I am afraid that he will see I am pg and mention it to the boss, which I'm sure would make the boss unhappy to hear secondhand. On the other hand, I dont feel like I want to disclose the pregnancy yet. Maybe soon but not right now. I have never met this co-worker in person before so I'm hoping if I wear pre-pg clothes (which thankfully I can still fit in to) I can pass as chunky vs. pregnant. (who would have thought there would be an upside to being overweight?!)

What are your thoughts? If you saw a co-worker and suspected she was pg, would you mention it to your boss? (I should note that I work in an office environment, so no concerns about safety or environmental hazards.)

Thanks for listening! This is really stressing me out. :(
Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2006
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 11:02pm
I started a new job at 15 weeks and waited a while to tell them. But in the healthcare field it wasn't practical to hide it for very long. ...and it turned out they hired another pregnant girl due the first part of august and I wanted to tell them before she did. I do understand the stress of trying to figure out when is best. But at this point the sooner the better I think. What happens if all of a sudden you get put on bed rest or something and you couldn't work? They would really wonder where this pregnancy came from.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2011
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 9:53pm

Thanks, everyone, for your input and feedback. It is really helpful to get outside viewpoints.

I have been so blessed this pregnancy to feel good most of the time, be able to take my relatively few doctor's appointments during lunch or after my workday concludes, etc., so there hasn't been a clear need to disclose to my workplace. I am so thankful! It wasn't my plan to hide the pg, per se, it just turned out that I never had to travel to the out-of-state office, I don't chat much with the folks at my office, the new boss never got appointed, and my current boss is just really hands-off -- we've only ever met once. Then again, DH and I didn't even tell our extended families about the baby until a few weeks ago; I am just private and extremely superstitious that something will go wrong with the pg as soon as I announce. Being overweight to begin with, being able to fit in nearly all my clothes, and still having a "b-belly" has made it really easy to fly under the radar, too.

But, I probably should disclose this before the end of the 2nd trimester, as notification in the 2T seems to be the norm. I will probably request a meet with the boss within the next week or two for a "90-day check-in," at which time I will let him know. Hopefully I will get glowing 90-day reviews which will make it hard for him to say I was let go for performance, if it comes to that. :/

Thanks again for your input, ladies. Any BTDT tips on how to approach that conversation would be most appreciated! I will keep you all posted! Thanks again for listening!

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2010
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 5:31pm
While I personally would not disclose something like that about a co-worker to a boss because I just do not feel it is my place, most people do not feel this way and LOVE to talk. I think you are MUCH better off telling your boss before this visit. It will be much better coming from you than from someone else. You don't want your boss to feel like you are being sneaky or trying to screw them over. Unfortunately if someone else tells them, that is probably what they will think, it's what I would think if I were in their position too.

Good luck and sorry you are going through this stress.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2011
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 4:48pm

Yikes. This definitely sounds stressful. I am going to have to agree with the PP's - I think disclosure at this point is the best bet. The longer you wait, the more frustrated they may become when they find out. The first several months you could hide it because the argument could be made that you genuinely had no idea.

But at this point, we're all near or in the third trimester, so the non-disclosure is purposeful. Keep in mind, I completely understand your reasons for not wanting to say anything. I'm just worried that the longer you wait, the angrier they might be.

Just my two cents. Good luck and keep us posted!

 BabyFruit Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2011
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 4:07pm

I think as an employer I would want to know by now. I have no clue how you've hid it for so long because it's pretty obvious I'm pregnant ;)

Even when I did tell my co-workers I was really nervous about it but she said they already suspected it anyways. I told around 16 weeks or so and they took it way better then I thought they would. It felt so good to tell them and get that out of my system.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 3:16pm
Yeah, I agree with Heather. While it's definitely not the coworker's place to say anything to the boss, that obviously doesn't mean anything in what people actually say and do.
Good luck!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2011
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 2:35pm

I understand where you are coming from, but I think that at this point, your best bet is disclosure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2000
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 2:27pm

Yikes...I have no advice at all.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2011
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 12:57pm
I should also note another reason I do not want to disclose quite yet has to do with DH. Because I only get 6 weeks leave, we are counting on DH's 12-week FMLA leave to take care of LO. He will become eligible for it next month. I don't want him to announce his plans to take leave until his eligibility is locked in to avoid a situation where he would get fired because they don't want him to take leave he is entitled to. (I have legal training which makes me very distrustful of employers, lol!) His ability to take leave will impact what I negotiate for at my job, so I at least have to wait to figure out what he is eligible for before I disclose. HTH provide additional background.
Lilypie Pregnancy tickers