Falling apart, need some pick-me-up
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|Wed, 08-31-2011 - 6:23pm|
I thought pregnancy was a happy time in my life where I can enjoy giving life and having a child of my own to raise with my (about to be) husband.
My sister was very angry about my pregnancy, since she's been trying for years and then lost her first pregnancy within a month last year. She ignored me for weeks and I was so depressed, I just wanted to go far away from everything. They're finally starting to talk to me and actually be normal. I have been so happy with the fact that I have my sister back and everything was going good. I just found out I'm 12 weeks instead of 10/11 with a very healthy baby. I have no problems from the looks of my blood work, my symptoms are gone, I feel great. My family has been working very hard on decorating for my wedding this weekend, and I can't do much because climbing 12 ft ladders and carrying heavy stuff around doesn't sit well with my mother or my doctor. At the mere mention on not being able to have a honeymoon, or a summer vacation at that, my brother in law jumps at me and said he'd take pregnancy over a vacation and that I should just deal with it. WTH??! What does not being able to have a vacation have to do with my pregnancy. Me and my fiance work all week and we never really see eachother. I wanted a weekend away so that me and him can feel like a couple again. I want to enjoy my time not having to take care of my child before it comes, just so I can reconnect with my fiance. I want a break from work also, being pregnant and working full time is tough!
Not to mention everyone is stressing over getting this wedding together and there has not been a moment in the past month where I haven't heard about people stressing over my wedding. I live 3 hours away from the location, me and my fiance can't help. If it weren't for my pregnancy, our wedding would still be going as planned. No stress, on a boat in the middle of ocean, enjoying my time. But no, I'm stuck with b****y family who think it doesn't bother me because I'm 'having a baby and should consider myself lucky.' No doubt I do!
I can't help but think that this pregnancy is such a curse and sometimes I just lay here and think about ending everything and starting all over. I have had problems with depression before, even though my life has been carefree for the most part. Things like this get under my skin and they haunt me. I'm not a selfish person, I just don't understand why I just can't be happy and enjoy and pregnancy like I should. I understand what my sister is going through, and she doesn't realize how it affected me. We're too close, we go through everything together.
I'm sorry for the long post. I needed to rant, I would just like prayers and just encouragment to keep going and not give up on my marriage or my pregnancy and that I can have my family back together.