Needing prayers right now

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2011
Needing prayers right now
7
Thu, 10-13-2011 - 9:14am

I'm not sure if it's the pregnancy hormones or what, but I decided to check the history on my husbands laptop, and to my surprise, he has been searching the personals and apartments for rent on Criagslist. I know we don't have the best of a relationship, we argue, but nothing major.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
Thu, 10-13-2011 - 10:42am

Major (((HUGS)))

What a tricky place to be in.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2011
Thu, 10-13-2011 - 1:40pm

*hugs* :( Sorry you have to live with this on your mind. Before DH and I were married, he had cheated on me twice, each time I left him, but he always came crawling back. All of these times I just sat with him and asked him 'why, what on God's green Earth did I do to deserve this kind of treatment.' Come to find out, I was so wrapped up in my job (I wass full time work and college at the time) that he felt 'unloved', I was always angry and tired. The second time, I had lost my job and my car, and I was still depressed from the first incident, so he was tired of dealing with someone who was having adult problems. He couldn't take growing up and getting out of that 'honeymooners' phase. All of this found out due to technology, him leaving things out in the open basically, though I never told him that, I didn't really need to. I just needed to talk to him. (keep in mine this was almost 2 years ago)

I'm pretty much in your shoes, as far as living goes. I'm pregnant with no job (I work, but it isn't paid work, so I have no income, and I go when I want), no car, and instead of kids, I have animals that need to be walked and cleaned up after. Not to mention I have a house to clean constantly. Some guys do think we have it easy, stay home, watch Oprah, eat bonbons, but we do have things to take care of! Lots of thing! I don't have any family or friends here, so there's no one to go to.

The only way for you not to get eaten up is to just talk. You don't have to mention craigslist. Has he been acting weird? Have you been acting differently than before? Ask him about the pregnancy, is he excited? How does he feel?

I find these type of questions can get guys to open up a little bit more. We are good at putting the story together and picking out details that don't make sense. We're not the ones trying to cover something up.

On the other hand, there could be financial problems that makes him think downsizing to an apartment (if you're in a home) is the best option. He could be looking at the personals, not because he's tired of you or his life, but because maybe he feels he's not able to provide for his growing family. Guys who seek out others need to feel like they're dominant again, someone who doesn't have 'baggage' that they need to provide for. It's almost like animals, the Alpha gets taken care of, but the minute you put babies into the equation, they don't always come first and therefor have to take care of that family.

All of this is not certain. This is just my personal experience. Don't leave him or do anything major until you know what is going on.

Prayers for you and your husband's relationship and family. Just keep taking care of yourself and your pregnancy. Stay calm and just be close to your husband, something will come out of him if he's really dedicated. He wouldn't want to hurt you purposely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2011
Thu, 10-13-2011 - 3:25pm

Thank you guys for your imput and advice, I still don't know what I'm going to do (talk to him about it). There is no way I could leave, even if I wanted to. I'm just going to keep an eye on how he is acting for the next little while.

Avatar for dani_d
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-1998
Thu, 10-13-2011 - 6:51pm

Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry you're going through this kind of turmoil right now. :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2010
Thu, 10-13-2011 - 10:59pm
I'm sorry you're going through this. After reading what you said, is there any way he could be doing this for a friend or family member? Either way, I couldn't sit on it. I catch my dh looking up things every 3-6 months and it starts up a new discussion. He's a perpetual liar --bad one -- but hasn't come close to cheating. I would talk to your DH as soon as possible. Get to the bottom of it because the stress of wondering isn't healthy for you or your lo.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2009
Fri, 10-14-2011 - 1:46am
I agree with others. I wouldnt beable to sit on it either, I would continue to build up this anger and end up not talking to him but yelling and bawling at him. It would get no where! But that is just me... Good luck to you and hugs!!! You know that you can find good listeners here on this board so come back and vent all you need. P&PT to you!
Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2009
Fri, 10-14-2011 - 8:50am

Wow that is a really tough discovery...