Where will your kids go while you deliver?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2003
Where will your kids go while you deliver?
4
Tue, 10-16-2012 - 12:35pm

I thought I would pose this questions as I am really wrestling with this.  I know this is early, however, I don't want to be stressing out about this at the last minute.  When delivering in the past, my girls stayed with my parents which really worked well since they live in the same city I am delivering in.  We live in a rural area about an hour and half outside of the city so its definitely a trek.  My parents have always done this for me and my sisters when we were having babies. 

It's a long complicated story right now, but my mom is under a lot of stress from a lot of things at the moment, mainly because one of my sisters is going through an ugly divorce and her and my 18-month-old nephew have been living with my parents for awhile.  I have no idea how long they will be there, but will most likely not be moved out by the time I deliver this baby. 

My mom is semi-retired, working a part-time job early in the morning and caring for my nephew for the rest of the day.   I know she does not get paid time off with her current work situation and can't really afford to take it unpaid.  I casually asked her the other day if we were able to pay her missed wages and then some, plus provide food, if she would consider watching my 3 girls during delivery time.  She said she would think about it, but didn't think she could probably handle my 3 girls, plus my nephew.  My 2 oldest are 8 and 6 so hardly any trouble at all, but I could understand how my 3-year-old could be more of a challenge.  Last week, she called and was super stressed and had devised a complicated plan of me having someone different watch my girls each morning while she works and her driving 90 minutes over here with my nephew each day so she can watch them here at my house and then drive back to work each morning.  She works 4 - 9 am each day so I would have to find someone to watch my kids every day from like 2:30 am- 12:00 pm.  No.  Way.  She seemed upset when I told her I really wasn't crazy about that idea. 

It sounds way too complicated, plus I wanted to be able to have my girls close to the hospital to come see baby once it's here.  It's hard not to feel hurt over this, but I think she really needs a break.  She is the kind of person that will be totally destroyed if I ask someone else do this now instead of her, but I have to do what's best for my kids.  I don't want to be in the hospital worrying about who has my kids or where they are.

I love my mom so much, but I have been a wreck.  I don't have many options.  Honestly, she is probably just under too much stress right now and I need to figure something else out.  It's not easy to find someone who can take of 3 extra kids for several days.  Most people I know are working moms or already have a houseful of kids to care for.  I am pretty picky about who watches my girls... a little overprotective, probably, but in a good way. 

My other sister is out because she is in an abusive marriage with cops regularly at their house.  DH's family is out-of-state and his mother is not in good health.  I have one person in mind that would possibly do it, but she has her elderly father-in-law and mentally ill brother-in-law moving in with her sometime in the next few months so that option could be out, too.  Last resort is DH gets a hotel room in the city and stays with the girls there and we try find someone who can stay with them just during the last stages of labor and delivery.  This means I would be alone at the hospital much of the time. That is looking like the best option at this point.

I know I am extra emotional because of the prego hormones, but I am so beside myself about what to do.  I really wish things were different... I am so sorry this was long.  It's one of those things that I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about right now. 

Anyone else thinking this far ahead yet???  :)

Proud mama to 3 princesses... Anna Jubilee (6), Sadie Lael, (4) and Abigail Lo
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2006
Tue, 10-16-2012 - 3:37pm

Wow, that does sound like a difficult situation. Hopefully your mom will understand that the plan she's suggesting is just too complicated and stressful for everyone. But that still leaves you at square one, trying to figure out who will care for your children. The only suggestion I can throw out is perhaps a regular babysitter who has no other paid job? Perhaps you could pay her extra for being "on-call" in the days/weeks leading up to the birth? (I know that this could be expensive, but you mentioned that you would have been willing to cover your mom's lost wages.) If you don't already have a regular babysitter who fits this bill, there's still time to "shop around" and get your kids used to someone.

This is something that DH and I have been giving a lot of thought to lately. (Very early in the pregnancy, we dismissed it as something we could "worry about later," but we're realizing that we have to get on it.) We have friends but no family in town. We know plenty of friends who would be willing to look after our son for a few hours, but none that I feel super comfortable calling in the middle of the night to come care for our son.

We may have found a solution to our problem. DH asked his mom about coming to stay with us shortly before the due date (maybe when I'm 39 weeks) so that she can look after our son while I give birth, and she sounded excited about doing this. That's a releif, but realistically, there's a large range of time during which I could give birth, so we will still have to come up with a plan for the days when labour is quite possible but not as likely. We'll probably just ask some close friends if they'd be willing to help if I deliver a bit early and come up with some sort of schedule. I'd still hate to have to call someone at 2am if I know they have to work at 9am, but I'm not sure what else to do (short of the babysitter suggestion I mentioned:).

<a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lbdf.lilypie.com/WEETm5.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Pregnancy tickers" />

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2003
Tue, 10-16-2012 - 5:03pm
What a relief for you! It certainly is a huge responsibility to ask anyone to take over. I am feeling super blessed right now, however. I have an amazing friend who called this afternoon and in the course of our chat, she asked what I was going to do with our kids. I didn't feel the need to spill the whole situation, but shared that I was not sure what I would do with them yet. She offered to take them, no problem. Her 2 oldest are the same as my 2 oldest and they are good friends. She has 3 so adding my 3 will make things busy for her, but I'd be happy to make it more than worth her while. And she only lives 15 minutes from the city! As long as DH is okay with the arrangement, it appears that I may have things worked out. Phew! I may actually sleep better tonight... I've been worrying about this for several weeks.
Proud mama to 3 princesses... Anna Jubilee (6), Sadie Lael, (4) and Abigail Lo
Avatar for sandyc299
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Registered: 01-08-2008
Thu, 10-18-2012 - 4:26pm

I've been thinking about this too since my parents are both 5 hours away (my mom can't drive) and my in laws live in Florida. We're in Indiana. So we have a lot of church friends and one of the older guys who has a bunch of grandkids most who live out of town said he would watch David while we have the baby. I thought about the babysitter but that would be pretty expensive.

David Nicholas 12/5/09
Expecting a GIRL 3/23/13

Avatar for BigMommaIRB
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Registered: 07-15-2012
Sun, 10-21-2012 - 9:31am
I'm so glad you have a plan now! Things usually have a way of working out. I did want to say, to you and to others who might be in the same situation, that with baby #3 DH did not stay all three days in the hospital with me. At first I was really stressed out about the thought of him not being there.... but it worked out really well!! He was there (along with all the family) for the actual birth and up until about 10pm the first day (baby was born at noon). Then he went home to our house where my sister-in-law was watching our other two kids. The next morning he came to the hospital, with the girls, and we spent a few hours all together. Then he took them home and came back the following day. It worked out great because #1) the girls REALLY enjoyed the extra one-on-one time with daddy. There was no jealousy that both mommy AND daddy were gone away for three days with the new baby. They got to do fun "big girl" stuff and felt safe and secure in thier own home/bed etc. #2) I did NOT have a c-section or episiotmy so I was feeling pretty good after delivery. I didn't need help lifting the baby out of the bassinet or taking a shower or anything sooooo I actually got time to RELAX, SLEEP and BOND one-on-one with our newborn. It was wonderful!! We are definitly going to do it that way again this time. The accomodations are not comfy for DH in the hospital, and It always seemed like when I wanted to rest, he wanted to watch TV or something like that. Having one parent fully rested and refreshed when we brought the baby home was a godsend!!!!

Sarah

Mommy to DD age 9, DD age 8, DS age 5 and DS EDD 3/8/13