Disappointed About Baby's Gender?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Disappointed About Baby's Gender?
Tue, 01-29-2013 - 1:22pm

Some women feel a momentary twinge of sadness when they find out the gender of their baby. For others, the disappointment cuts deeper, and can even turn into depression. This phenomenon, known as “gender disappointment,” is rarely discussed yet common among expectant mothers. 

“We assume gender disappointment is quite a hidden experience, yet extremely common especially in certain cultures” says Dr. Louann Brizendine, a neuropsychiatrist at UCSF and author of The Male Brain and The Female Brain.  “As many as 1 in 5 women express at least some disappointment about the sex of the child they are carrying.”

Gender disappointment: Expectant mothers confess secret regrets- http://www.today.com/moms/gender-disappointment-expectant-mothers-confess-secret-regrets-1C8144610

Can you relate to this feeling?  Anyone here dealing with a bit of disappointment after finding out baby's sex?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2005
Wed, 01-30-2013 - 5:17pm

I have a daughter and when I found out I was pregnant, I was hoping for another little girl.  I felt like I wasn't ready to have a boy (especially with being a single mom).  When I did find out I was having a boy, my initial reaction was shock.  I was scared, nervous, and felt totally unprepared and my daughter had been looking forward to a little sister to play with.  That feeling quickly changed.  Now I am looking forward to having him and experiencing having a son.  If I never have any more children, I think I am content with having one of each.  My daughter also is excited to tell people she's having a little brother too :-)


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2012
Wed, 01-30-2013 - 8:52pm

Wow, they truly do have a term for everything now a days don't they?

I might have suffered that for a while when I was pregnant and didn't even know it. Our first child was a girl, and the 4 after her were all boys. I think I just gave up the thought that I would have another girl, but surprise, along came a girl after the 4 boys :D

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2012
Sat, 04-13-2013 - 3:23pm

I suddenly became very afraid of having a boy right around the time we were going to find out the gender. I felt guilty about that. I realize he would have a little penis, and boys get little erections, and I was terrified of having to clean it or touch it.. and for me it's entirely from society's judgements about a woman and her relationship with her child (like the stigma around breastfeeding). I was relieved to learn we were having a girl.. and then my husband confessed he was just as terrified to have a little girl for the same reason! I guess it's natural in some ways, but it speaks a lot of how society influences first time parents in some circumstances. I do hope we have a boy in the future, and I think I'll be just fine.