just feeling down today... (not pregnancy related)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2012
just feeling down today... (not pregnancy related)
6
Sun, 04-08-2012 - 12:44pm
Every holiday and every Sunday my husband spends the entire day with his parents and I'm stuck by myself. I even spent Christmas alone. My daughter was with her grandparents. My family lives in another state so I can't go see them much and we only have one car so I can't just drive there (they are in Indiana and we are in Kentucky..not THAT far)

I really miss the togetherness of holidays...i never get that feeling anymore. I wanted to go to the store and get some things to make myself a mini Easter dinner but DH "just doesn't have time" because he has to go to his family... So not only am I buy myself, but I can't even eat some ham, an egg, a chocolate bunny...nothing Easter like. I just feel so depressed and he just can't see why. I told him its not normal for married couples to spend holidays apart... What are we supposed to do once the baby is here? We do things with his parents like go out to eat, go to museums, and go to flea markets, but his mom doesn't like her house and doesn't want anyone to come over... I've never been in their house even one time. If my husband has to stop by while we are out... I have to sit in the car!

DH just left for the day after we got into a huge fight. Our washing machine is broke so for a couple weeks he has been taking our laundry with him to his moms to do... While we were fighting he brought up "its so stressful for me to have to wash all the laundry with no help!" HELLO!! I CANT HELP IF YOU TAKE THE ONLY CAR AND I CANT COME WITH YOU!!!!!!
I got angry and told him that was a stupid thing to be stressed about. And that id just do my own it ain't a big deal... We now he says I'm "being extreme and emotional (I have borderline personality disorder and post traumatic stress disorder that I got to treatment for and they are under control, but when we fight and I get made he blames me being upset on my "problems")

He is usually the best guy ever and we get along great but he level of understanding is at a ZERO.

I hate feeling like this. :(
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Avatar for thesunshinekid
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2001
(((hugs))) maybe y'all can host the next holiday?? I'm not close to many in my family and those that I am close to live several hours away. DH is actually out of town this weekend (and he is out of town MANY weekends during this time of the year with horse-related stuff). I know how you feel. I spend a great amount of time with my kids alone on some pretty major holidays because of DH's second career. Even with the kids around, it's sort of a bummer. I think I'd flip too, for what it's worth. Your DH has to learn not to let your "problems" (I HATE it when people call mental illness a problem) color the tone of every argument. He is going to have to come up with some different plans once the baby arrives. I'm sorry you're stuck by yourself and can't even get out! If I were there, I'd pick you up and take you with us to lunch!

Jules - Happily married and Momma to DS, DD and expecting our Caboose Baby 11/24/2012


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2012
Aww thanks aren't u sweet!!

What kinda horse stuff do you do? I live in Louisville, Ky and we have a lot of horses here! The big Kentucky derby horse race is in a couple weeks.

My DH txt me an said he was sorry and all that so maybe whenever he gets home it will be a little better.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2012
I'm sorry:( that is not right for him to treat you like that! I see it like this: when he married you, YOU and HIM became a family and you all are a package. If his mother doesn't want you at her house, then he should tell his mom he is staying with you because you are his wife, and you should be his first priority! My dh and I have had our share of arguments about his family and holidays. It was hard for us to work
It out and both see that we have to make it as normal as possible for our kids and our marriage. We have to sacrifice and do what makes each other happy. I'm so sorry you have to spend the holiday alone! :(. His mom needs to get over herself or realize that her son and grandchild shouldn't be there if you can't also, because you are ALL family! I'm in Lexington! Yay for KY mamas:). I hope your day gets better! If I lived in Louisville I would bring you some chocolate bunnies :). Atleast you and your sweet baby are together! Hang in there!
Lucy
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
*Hugs* I feel a similar vibe from my ILs, like I'm not welcomed. I have no advice that wasn't offered.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2012
Its not that I'm not welcomed.. They like me and I like them.. Its not just me, They don't have ANYONE come over but my DH and his brothers. Part of the reason is that is mom is a horder.. She don't have trash everywhere... She just buys a lot of stuff. Like if Tide is on sale instead of getting 1 or 2 she's buys 6.. They have been working on it an DH and his brothers are helping her clean out everything and sell a lot... He says when her house is better she won't be embarrassed any more.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2002

Sorry you had a bad day, but I hope it got better :) We went to eat brunch with some friends, and that was about it other than the stuff with the kids. Being on a military base and so far from family, my friends are my family here :)

It's hard fighting over things too, and it seems like one fight snowballs into more and more. Hopefully, you guys can figure it out so when the baby comes, you guys can be included too!

Margret

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