*sigh* WWYD re: natural birth/disinterested DH
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|Sun, 08-12-2012 - 10:43pm|
So. Before we even decided to get pregnant, DH and I discussed a natural child birth in a hospital. He was all for it, encouraged me to read and said that he would do whatever he needed to do to prepare and support me. We planned this baby. I told him exactly when I would be fertile and he got right on it. No hesitation, no questions. We tried for one cycle.
Six months later after finding out that I'm pregnant, I'm at my wits end. My DH is a workaholic. I mean that very, very seriously. He is an attorney, a part time (roughly 20-30 shows per year) professional equestrian judge for national/international events and he is currently entrenched in a very detailed and intricate remodel that he has basically insisted on completing with his own two hands (he is a very gifted person, as you might have guessed, and is capable of such a feat - to my chagrin). He is completely disinterested in anything having to do with this baby. I'm not kidding.
He hasn't made any effort to help me prepare for her. He won't talk about names. He isn't too interested in feeling her move. He won't read what I've asked him to read. He won't talk to me about our plans for the birth.
I realize that I have a bigger problem than a natural child birth. And I will address that, be assured. Now just isn't the time to call this crazed man who works with power tools, criminals and horses onto the carpet. I'll do that later. Understand, he is a very good man who happnes to be overtaken by his desire to provide an amazing life for his family. Here is what I'm asking/looking for : If you were in a similar situation, would you proceed with your plans for an entirely med free birth, knowing that you very well might be laboring alone for the vast majority of your labor and potentially dealing with an uninformed partner during the birth?
My fears are thus:
- He won't pay attention to my actual needs during labor and I'll wear out.
- He won't be emotionally invested in the process of a natural labor and delivery.
- He won't know what to do when I am in pain (he isn't very good at watching me in pain)
- He will fail to disengage from everything else when I say that it's time to have the baby
- I'll be so tired and frustrated that I can't deal with the emotional let down and the physical pain.
I promise, he's not a toad. He's going through a great deal (his father died in June) and the only thing he understands is work. He's a brilliant father who is committed to the wellbeing of the family. I've tried to discuss this with him. I don't get much response or I get a half hearted reply about how busy he is and that he is trying. I'm sure at this point that I just need to make my mind up what I can and can't do.
Help a Momma out!