Visitors

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
Visitors
16
Tue, 09-11-2012 - 3:44am
How did/will you communicate your feelings about visitors at the hospital and at home? Or did/will you not say anything? Did things go the way you had hoped in that respect? How long til you felt you had bonded and established some semblance of a routine with LO?

My midwife advised me to speak up during/after the birth, but I had thought this was something I should address in advance - although her timing is sounding better and better. Especially since MIL might be on a long trip to India anyways...

- JM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2011
In reply to: txdela
Tue, 09-11-2012 - 8:31am

With my first, it took weeks to recover enough to enjoy visitors.  I had too many and hated it.  On good days I at least had my teeth brushed and a clean t-shirt on, but trust me it's hard to play hostess with a newborn when you haven't showered or slept and you can't remember the last time you brushed your hair!  With baby #2, I had a much quicker postpartem recovery, and was much more receptive to visitors.

I guess it depends on how you feel physically after the baby is born.  And it depends how comfortable you are with people seeing you looking a little rough.  (Especially at the hospital.  Getting up to pee in that open backed gown in front of a room full of people is no fun!)  My advice is just tell people to call first, without giving a huge explanation.  When they call, you can tell them yes or no based on how you feel.

As for me this time... We don't have many people who will visit and I'm glad.  Among other things, I really want to learn to breastfeed in privacy without a crowd watching.  I'm not looking forward to MIL's drama, but it's not preventable.  We're going to have a "meet the baby" party once I'm feeling better and get through gallbladder surgery, probably late October or early November, and I don't expect to see random cousins/aunts/etc until then.

Momma to:
Madelyn, February 26, 2001
Aaron, January 2, 2005
Baby #3, October 2, 2012

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2008
In reply to: txdela
Tue, 09-11-2012 - 9:27am
I've already told DH my wishes. People can visit at the hospital, but it will be limited on how many can be in the room at a time. And once we get home, people aren't coming over just to sit for hours and hold the baby. I refuse to play hostess this time. Only people who are comfortable seeing my boobs will be allowed.
by sara photo sigbysara.jpg
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2012
In reply to: txdela
Tue, 09-11-2012 - 11:03am
I didn't mind having visitors, as long as they didn't stay very long. My family won't come up until Gwen is a month old, my MIL will be in the delivery room taking pictures, and my step MIL will be at my house watching my toddler. I'm sure I'll have a couple friends drop by the hospital, but they won't stay very long, all of them have toddlers and we know how their patience goes! The good thing about visitors at the hospital is they will probably feel a little bit uncomfortable. Nurses will be coming in and out, if you are breastfeeding your boobs will be all over the place, limited seating, and some won't allow more than 2-4 people in the room.
Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2005
In reply to: txdela
Tue, 09-11-2012 - 11:16am

my rule of thumb is one day after the birth for hospital visit. This give you a chance to sleep, bond and shower.

as for home, day 2 home visitors are okay. Same as hospital visits, you have time to get home, get semi-settled, bond, and shower!

ive seen crazy baby story episodes where the mom comes home to a party! or tons of people come over at once! no thank you! i want to be presentable, i want to be napped, i want a minute of me time! thankfully all my family is out of state and plan on visiting fot thanksgiving this year! phew! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
In reply to: txdela
Tue, 09-11-2012 - 2:07pm
We're not telling anyone other than my parents, dh's parents & my sister when I'm in labor (or if I get induced, when the induction will be.) I don't want a horde at the hospital. After he's born and we've all had a chance to rest, shower, clean up, bond, initiate breastfeeding, etc. we'll let people know he's born and let them know if I'm up for visiting in the hospital.

After we're home, definitely instituting (or really, reinforcing) a call first policy, except for my parents, brother and sister. DH's parents live 700 miles away, so they'll be in the loop info-wise, but not visiting until they come up for Thanksgiving. His mom might dash up for a quick visit before then....but she'll stay with his aunt (her sister) and I won't have to play hostess.

I seriously don't even go to the convenience store without eyeliner on. I'm not a, "please, drop in at any time" type person at all. I like my house to look presentable for guests and I can't deal with people stopping by if I'm not dressed, showered, etc. The thought of a ton of people coming in the early days stresses me out a lot, so I just won't allow it to happen. Close, close family and a few friends? Ok, but not the world.

Our friends and family know me though, so I'm sure that while we'll have to reinforce the notion of no drop-ins - everyone gets excited about a new baby, I get it - they won't be surprised!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
In reply to: txdela
Tue, 09-11-2012 - 5:41pm
Oh gosh I'm so thankful for you all! Y'all gave me tons of ideas - and it feels comforting to hear first hand experiences. :-) Feel free to share more, if you think of any other suggestions/anecdotes!

- JM

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2012
In reply to: esme1224
Tue, 09-11-2012 - 9:59pm
Can tell you don't have kids yet :smileywink: I used to be just like that, always had makeup on, hair done, not in pjs. Now I'm like, come over at your own risk, my house is clean, but I can't guarantee pants or a bra.
Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2011
In reply to: jacqui275
Tue, 09-11-2012 - 11:00pm

Haha, love it, and totally agree. With DS the first lot of visitors I had at home I was in my PJs, hair wasnt brushed, it was just pulled back because it annoyed me at the time.  I had a massive loose fitting nightgown with PJ pants underneath and slippers.  I actually stayed dressed like that for about a month I think.  Regardless of who came over.  Although i have never been one to care what I look like in front of people especially in my own house.  I care more about the state of the house.  At the hospital I had a couple of family members come up to the delivery suite while I was still in the awesome fashion that is the hospital gown.  This time will be much the same probably, I mean, if people coming to visit expect me to put effort into what I look like with everything thats happening, then they dont know me too well, and probably dont need to visit in the early days.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
In reply to: theresa7576
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 4:04am

I'm VERY strict.  No visitors in the hospital- PERIOD. we are paying a ton of money, I need my rest.  I'm sore, exhausted.. and I don't care that you or anyone else "just want to see the baby"

My mom and dad and daughter-  that is it.

And at home i'm even worse.  I don't like having people over anyhow..............  so if you want to see the baby, log on to facebook.  I keep to myself, and hate hosting people anyhow, let alone when I feel like sh*t.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2011
In reply to: bankerswife
Wed, 09-12-2012 - 8:29am

I don't think wanting to keep up appearances has to do with having kids or not.  I grew up with a mom who had to have the house looking perfect before company arrived.  Dh's parents are the opposite.  So naturally, I want the house to look good because I'm used to it, Dh says it's fine and people won't care how the house looks.

I know people will expect me to look rough after having a baby.  But I'm just not comfortable in my own skin without being clean.  I NEED to have my teeth brushed and clean clothes (even if they are pajamas) and deodorant on.  And I want the baby to smell like lotion, not spit up, and be dressed in a gorgeous outfit instead of a plain onesie.  When else will I show off the clothes I've spent months picking out?  Plus, my hospital always sends you home with that little wand that hooks up to the sink and gently sprays water while you sit on the toilet (I think it's called a sitz bath?).  After each baby, as soon as they fell asleep, I've just sat in the bathroom for 1/2 hour at a time with that little wand.  If company came over right then, I doubt I'd even get up to answer the door.

Momma to:
Madelyn, February 26, 2001
Aaron, January 2, 2005
Baby #3, October 2, 2012

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