Crying all the time!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Crying all the time!
9
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 1:20pm

 

I'm such a mess today.  gained two pounds this week, can't see my bikini line to shave anymore.. and my fav "go to"  shorts no longer fit after they were washed.  I feel like a faliure for gaining more with this pregnancy than I did with my first.  Body image was far more important to me than I thought.  That was all it took to set me off crying.  I had no idea it would be this hard the second time around- it's HARDER actually.  "almost there"  and "almost done"  don't cut it anymore.  i'm afraid of slipping into depression before the baby comes. 

i'm on a low dose of my AD-  but frankly I may need more to get me through.

 

thanks for listening. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2011
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 3:04pm

Sorry you're feeling this way.  I agree - each pregnancy feels harder to me.  The first time around, you still have all these ideal thoughts and expectations.  The second time, you know just how hard it will be and that you won't get some magical glow, PLUS you have to manage raising other children or careers that drain your energy.  And I swear our bodies just do not handle it as well, we swell up and feel fatigued and just feel like old woman in general while pregnant.  Hang in there, it's almost over.

Maybe a break from all the baby thoughts would help?  Go get your hair or nails done, go swimming in an indoor pool, go shopping for something non-baby like a new picture or blanket for your room, go to a paint-your-own store and make a mug, find a vintage music store and get lost in the albums... Whatever helps to relax you and just let your mind destress for a bit.

Or maybe you need a good experience with this pregnancy and need to feel beautiful?  How about a maternity photo shoot?  A good photographer, with a few lighting/editing tricks, will make you look absolutely stunning.  It might help to have something positive to look at in terms of pregnancy.  And it's a good excuse to pamper yourself.

Momma to:
Madelyn, February 26, 2001
Aaron, January 2, 2005
Baby #3, October 2, 2012

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 9:37pm

Thanks for replying-  and you are right when people say, "you are almost done" it doesn't help.. and I DO feel like an old woman  I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel!!

i have become a recluse, do not want to see friends at all.    i have always had dismorphia issues so they are just worse right now.  i guess because I feel like I have no control over anything i'm just depressed about everything!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Fri, 08-17-2012 - 1:14am
I hear ya! This is my third and I feel like a big fat cow. Nothing fits. I actually went into the mall the other day, walked straight into Motherhood and bought a pair of fitting capri's and asked the clerk if I could put them on in the store after I bought them. I felt like such an idiot. I have put on almost 40 pounds and I feel huge. I make comments about how big I am all the time (5'5" 165 pounds now) and my sweet DH just says I am beautiful.

My feet are swollen all the time and achy....

Isn't it amazing how we don't think that we are that worried about how we look until our "normal" look is seriously altered??

BUT....do not fear! Our bodies will come back. Maybe not exactly the way they were before but most definitely we will be hot mama's again.

The response that i have for people who say "almost done" I say "not done enough" and walk away. I usually get a little kick out of throwing them off like that. Kind of snotty but not really meant meanly.

Also, don't fret about being on a low dose of AD. You can do this and you will do this the best way for you and your family. If that means a higher dose of AD to get through or a good waxing :smileywink: you can do this.

:smileyhappy: I hope today was a better day for you :smileyhappy::smileyhappy:
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
Fri, 08-17-2012 - 5:16am
Oh honey. You're not "almost done." It's insulting for people to pat you on the head like you're at idiot and can't count down the weeks. Almost done would be your due date is tomorrow. We're a month and a half to two months out (I can't remember your exact edd.....) There's nothing "almost" about two months of anything when you're miserable and feeling like sh*t.

If you're feeling this overwhelmed and awful, maybe you should up the the AD. Seriously. Objectively, I'm sure you look stunning right now, shorts fitting or not. Your last belly shot certainly seemed so! If you're hating how you look SO much, maybe it's more than just not being happy with your body while pregnant, you know? You know yourself and your signs for depression.....if you're not feeling right, you really should talk to your doctor. Crying all the time sounds pretty f'ed up girl. Pregnant or not, you shouldn't be this unhappy. You shouldn't HAVE to be this unhappy. (((hugs)))

Do you read slate.com at all? Not to plug another site, but in its Double X section (women's issues), there is a series right now about prenatal depression, the stigma surrounding it, the tendency for doctors and other people to try to sweep it under the rug and chalk it up to "nerves" or hormones, things along those lines.... One of the site's contributors - Jessica Grose - had it and is writing a several part series about her experience and asking readers to chip in with theirs. So there are a bunch of essays up right now.

Maybe this isn't that at all. Maybe you just REALLY hate being pregnant and are OVER it already. And that's fine! I think hating the crap out of being held hostage by an alien parasite which has taken over your body is on the continuum of normal when it comes to feelings toward pregnancy.....especially if you've already been through it and the "wonder" of it all is toned down with experience. If that's the case, then ugh, you just need to grit your teeth and get through this next bunch of weeks. But if it's more than that.....don't ignore yourself. Don't belittle your feelings or try to tough it out unnecessarily. If you need more meds, therapy, whatever, GET IT. You deserve it.

Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2011
Fri, 08-17-2012 - 8:09am

I guess the point is you really need to do whatever works for you.  Being a recluse all day is not helping.  And the meds you're on now aren't helping.  I'm sure the stress of crying all the time, and the nasty stress related hormones your body produces, are just making things worse for both you and baby.  So attempt to find something that works, whether it's different meds or a massage or whatever.

And sorry so many people don't like the "almost done" comments.  Personally, I NEED that.  Pregnancy sucks for me.  I need to know that there is an end to all this, because sometimes it just feels like I'm going to feel like this forever.  Reminding myself the end is near is the only thing that gets me through many days.  The first few months, I tried to sleep all day and block things out, but sleep is elusive right now, so "almost done" mantras are all I have.

Momma to:
Madelyn, February 26, 2001
Aaron, January 2, 2005
Baby #3, October 2, 2012

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
Sun, 08-19-2012 - 6:15am
If only people would tell me I'm almost done instead of freaking out about how big I am! As I've struggled with an eating disorder, I think it was truly a blessing that we haven't had the chance to hang a full length mirror. I have to look away when I go out
to stores, though - it's weird seeing myself less often, so I notice the huge changes. What has helped, though, is going ahead and buying the larger size that does fit. I think less about the size than when I notice that I'm too fat to fit smaller stuff! Plus, I hear it's completely normal third trimester. Although I'll need to set some limits on how and how much, I actually enjoy the high of exercising and each pound I lose. My big fear is that my skeletal system is forever changed, and I'll never go back - but if I go back to the same types of food and physical activity, I don't see why it shouldn't eventually go back. Do you think it's truly dysmorphia or rather PPD? I'm not really familiar with the differences between those and anorexia, but I can definitely relate to the issue! In the back of my mind I still wonder if the HG symptoms really go back to that - regardless, we should focus on the fact we ARE doing what we have to for the sake of our babies. That is really the major motivating factor for me - even if it still seems unreal sometimes as a FTM! I hope you are able to find some supporting person to talk with in 'real life' too. *Hugs*

- JM

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Sun, 08-19-2012 - 10:40pm

Thanks so much for al the thoughtful replies. 

I had a better weekend.. shorts still dont' fit-  but oh well.  I just thought i had enough room in them to get me to the end.. but I guess not. 

I guess for me is that I am a controlling person- and right now I have NO control.  I could fine tune my body to exactly what i wanted it to look like, and right now-  it has a mind of it's own.. and I just don't like it... LOL

 

Jaime-  I will check out that other board.  and I do agree I need to do what I need to do to feel better.  I was hopign to wait until closers to delivery to up my AD< but I might need it sooner. 

I hate my scale.. and I'm damn tempted to go to the next dr appt and say, "No...  Nope..  not getting on the scale, and I didn't at home either.  your Sh*t outta luck..."    lol

I think that my control issue is why I don't enjoy newborns(  can't reason with them... or "fix"  when they are upset"  the reason why I don't know if I want to breastfeed (cant control or see how much the child is getting) and maybe why I don't want to breastfeed.. becuase someone is controlling what I can and cannot eat.   I wish I wasn't a first born type A personality, but I am who I am, and understanding the person I am helps me understand the way I react to certain things.  

 

I think that si why I hated the therapy they mead me go to when I first had PPD.  The lady was getting 250 an hr and she didn't KNOW me.  She was paid to listen adn didnt' force me to examine who I am and why I was reacting to the new baby the way I was. 

 

Once I realized that I felt like a failure fo rnot being able to comfort and soothe the baby at all times, I knew that I rejected anything that made me feel liek a failure and at that point didn't want to deal with the baby.    Knowing what I know now hopefully I will know that the way the baby behaves deosnt' reflect on me at all and I can only do so much. 

thx so much for everything.  This has been such a good group of ladies.  IN the next 4 weeks some babies should start being born :smileyhappy:

 

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 1:24am
Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better. Sounds like you're pretty self-aware of what's going on this time around. I'll bet that makes a huge difference. I'm fighting to stay on the positive side myself... I also get stressed without control.

- JM