MIL Depressed - Thoughts, Prayers & Enouragement Pls!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
MIL Depressed - Thoughts, Prayers & Enouragement Pls!
7
Sat, 04-14-2012 - 4:18am
DH was finally able to reach his mom on the phone, but she was in her emotional dumping mood. There seems to be a bipolar + narssicistic pattern going on. After seeing her psychologist (with whom she admittedly has mostly just shot the breeze with over the last 20+ yrs), she came to the conclusion that her romantic relationships never worked out b/c of DH, which is crazy if you know the details. So he's really not up to telling her anytime soon.

We'd really appreciate your prayers for her to be able to feel better and get real help as well as for us to not feel hurt or be unforgiving/begrudging.

It's tough because it happens in unpredictable waves/cycles. We'd like to be able to be there for her, but we have considered breaking contact in the past. When the good moods come, you try to forget the bad and feel like you've imagined them even. I have no idea how to handle this with a new baby - it might have lots of non-related grannies here in the village, but I can't seem to justify keeping it away from its blood grandma if it isn't even able to understand why.

I guess the only real thing we've learned to do is look at how we act/react rather than expecting her to change and realizing it doesn't really have anything to do with us even if she says it does.

We're thinking of asking the older bro to help - but he gets these cyclical moods, too. His seem to be more predictable, though, and he doesn't really switch over more than a few times a year. His case could be classic depression or immaturity, though. (At 33, he's never had a girlfriend or even boyfriend that we know of. He's the lonely workaholic with money but nothing he seems to want to spend it on.)

Thanks for your prayers!

- JM

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2008
I will be praying for your mother in law. Please keep us posted. (( hugs ))
Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2009
I'm sorry you still aren't able to tell MIL and I will be praying that help comes in the form she needs. (((HUGS)))
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2011

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Momma to:
Madelyn, February 26, 2001
Aaron, January 2, 2005
Baby #3, October 2, 2012

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
Thank you all for your prayers! I'll def keep you updated.

L, I think that's the gist of the problem: she's incapable of understanding (or chooses not to try) how she can be hurtful. Hence, relationship struggles all around. I did mediate a parent-student-teacher meeting she (a teacher) had once - it took her a while but with role-playing she was eventually able to slightly put herself in the student's shoes. I think it helped that we both knew she was 'right' about that issue, though, lol. And many have tried but none have succeeded changing the topic - so leaving is truly the only option.

I did get a good feeling about having DH write a quick e-mail of a few sentences that says as she was unable to share DH's happiness about his invitation to a big job interview (she said it meant nothing and he probably didn't stand a chance anyway), we feel she is currently not ready to celebrate any good news, so we will hold off on sharing other good news items that we currently have until she lets us know when she is ready not turn positive things into negative ones. As Germans are naturally very blunt, this should hopefully come off as kind. We'll pray about it a day or two first, though.

- JM

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
DH wasn't even emotionally up to writing his mom that e-mail but he did feel telling other family members would help. Today he called Uncle M, who had been such a help in his job search - the reaction was awesome and he said he could understand why DH wasn't looking forward to telling his mom. Lol.

Uncle H and BIL will be next. Things might be a little sticky with the last uncle, Uncle R, because his wife and daughter are anxious for her to start a family. His wife already seemed annoyed that we got married first. At least his cousin pointed out that we should be next because we've been married the longest. So maybe it won't be that bad after all.

I'll keep you posted on MIL developments. Thanks for the prayers - we really feel uplifted by them!

- JM

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2011

Sorry things didn't work out with the email.

Momma to:
Madelyn, February 26, 2001
Aaron, January 2, 2005
Baby #3, October 2, 2012

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
DH finally wrote an email, but we reformulated it to say we're concerned about her experiencing what appears to be depression, so we're holding off on sharing some good news 'til she's ready and able to share the joy, but that she's in our prayers and we really hope she feels better soon.

So as the Germans say, "Toi, toi, toi!" (Which basically means we have our fingers crossed.) ;-)

- JM