Dealing with loss

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Dealing with loss
Thu, 05-23-2013 - 2:24pm

I wanted to pass along this article, the author has had six miscarriages and is very honest about the losses, dealing with the bitterness, anger and loneliness: 

Our society conspires to render miscarriage invisible. There is an unwritten rule that a woman should never announce her pregnancy until she reaches three months "just in case". Just who is this helping? The first trimester is when a woman does the work of creating the baby. Every organ in the baby's body is formed, and the mother experiences worse fatigue and nausea than at any other point of gestation. Women need to be supported through this vulnerable period and, with no outward sign that they are pregnant, how are they going to access that help if they can't ask for it?

And if they miscarry, as one in six early babies will, women need even more support through their trauma. "Not telling" leaves women stranded with their grief. How can they begin to explain that they are mourning the loss of something whose existence was kept secret in the first place?

You can read her complete story at this link:

Does it help to know that other's can relate to the pain you are going through?

Avatar for vegiemama
Community Leader
Registered: 01-06-2000
Fri, 05-24-2013 - 1:10am

Oh yes, it definitely helps to know that you're not alone.  When I had my ectopic, no one (except my parents and grandparents) knew I was pregnant.  I felt very much alone, and on top of loss, I underwent surgery and the recovery from that.  (It was also a couple of years pre-internet, so there was no support there, either.)  Contrast that with a few years later when I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks.  The support and love and caring that I felt was tremendous, and really helped me heal faster from the emotional trauma of loss.

I'm glad to be able to help people, both online and IRL, through their loss experiences.

Homeschooling mom to DD15 & DS11

CL of Homeschooling, Signature Showcase, Ectopic Loss, and Fertility Charting

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2013
Mon, 06-17-2013 - 2:22am


i totally agree with you. I had a miscarriage in April 2013 and cause it was my first baby, it was even harder. I felt a lone in the whole thing until i broke the silence and told everyone. After telling my family, i wrote a blog and send it to all my friends. 

The news were received with shocked and i was also blammed for starting pregnancy at 35. All sorts of stuff and myths etc. But what i realise is that most of my friends have had miscarriages themselves. I learned that of all my friends who have babies, they also had the loss of a child and they could relate. I had no idea just how many people had miscarriages in their lives. including guy friends who told me about their experiences and trying to conceive again. Some people are still shocked that iwill write so openly about it.

I guess i wrote because i needed to talk it out withouth being judged and made to feel like iam barren. Society in general have weird outlook on miscarriages. It's no one's fault, god decides on this things.

thanks once again for sharring