checking in almost a year later

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2010
checking in almost a year later
4
Mon, 11-19-2012 - 11:38am

Hi Ladies, Next month right before Christmas will mark a year that we lost our little one at 15 weeks 1 day, I spent Christmas knowing that I would be going in for a D and C on 12/27. The loss is the most difficult thing I have ever gone thru. I dont know if its any comfort but over the past year most of the time I have been fine. It does get easier but then there are things like an anniversary date of the loss or an ultrasound pic on Facebook that will trigger the emotion. It is a combination of those things for me today. A FB friend posted her u/s pic at 11 wks 1 day and I thought how much further along I was when we lost or sweet angel :( I hope everyone is doing well and the only thing I can offer the new members would be that you never forget them completely but somehow you manage to move ahead I guess. We are still so terrified to try again. We have tenatively agreed that we will NT/NP next month after my cycle starts but we are both so scared of another loss. I can picture myself chickening out when the time comes. I have been taking multi vitamins every day this cycle as that is something my doc recommended I make sure I do 30 days ahead of TTC. HUGS everyone.

April
Loving wife to John
Mom to Tristan 4/20/96
and now to Jack 9/15/10
Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 11-19-2012 - 1:59pm
(((HUGS))) April, it is scary to think of trying again. How is your husband doing with it all?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2010
Mon, 11-19-2012 - 3:38pm

He is ok. He doesnt want another loss either so I am sure he is scared as well. He doesnt really express much of that though.

April
Loving wife to John
Mom to Tristan 4/20/96
and now to Jack 9/15/10
Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Thu, 12-13-2012 - 7:06pm

hi, sorry about your loss!  Yes, I can relate to other people being pg. & facebook pix!

A year ago, I was happy and pg. at the holidays...so many dreams & thinking if I was going to have a 2nd girl or boy, this time?!  I was happy, making cookies for friends and neighbors, my DD was getting used to the idea of being an older sister.....then on 12/30/11, my 'world' stopped, because my baby, whose hb, I saw 3 weeks earlier, was no longer beating.  Cry

After the loss and getting over being devastated, we tried again, got pg. in only a few months.  Went in for u/s at 8 weeks and no hb.....I was even MORE devastated.  We tested the baby and he was a boy and had a Trisomy 13.....so, thinking we are just having bad luck, tried yet AGAIN!  Got pg. 1st try.....this time, it was a blighted ovum.  My dream of having another child is gone.....I can't try anymore & keep enduring the pain. Cry

This time of year is hard, because last year, at this time, I was soooo happy & hopeful.....I wish I could've given hubby a healthy child.

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Fri, 12-14-2012 - 10:53am

but, overall, I do feel very blessed I was able to have my dd, with no problems at all! <3

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend