Hello Everyone, new here and sharing my story
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|Tue, 08-14-2012 - 9:40am|
My name is Mary and I am 32 years old. I already have 2 girls age 16 and 8. In April I got pregnant unexpectedly and had an EDD of 1/31/2013. The last week of June I started Spotting and called the dr. and they said it was normal, although It wasn't normal for my other two pregnancies. On July 3 I was 9 weeks, 5 days, I was still spotting and it was my regular doctors checkup. I must have known somthing wasn't right, because my daugther wanted to come with me and I remember saying "If everything is ok, then you can come with me to the other one at 12 weeks."
The doctor immediately sent me down to the sonogram room when I told him I was still spotting, where the u/s tech didn't hear a heartbeat. The doctor and her told me together that my baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks. I could not belive what I was hearing and was in complete denial, and scheduled another u/s for the folliwing week, hoping they had just missed it.
That night, I started cramping severely and bleeding heavily so we headed to the hospital where they did the D&C. We were completely devasted, my girls both knew and we all cried together. It took me about a week to get out of bed and try to get some kind of normalacy back in my life. I messaged all the people that knew I was pregnant because I didn't want to talk to anyone, and I asked them not to call me. I cried when I found out my good friend was also pregnant and due two weeks before I would have given birth. I just couldn't be happy for her. I prayed every night that I would find peace within myself and come to understand that this was God's way. I did endless google searches on the cause of miscarriage, and what vitamins I should have taken, what I should have been eating and doing, thinking and hoping there was somehting I could have done differently. The first time my DH and I had sex after the D&C I cried. Now I am obsessed with watching A Baby Story on TLC. It has been 6 weeks and now I have good days and bad days.I'm also worried about going back to work.. Before we left in June, I told everyone becautse I would have been 18 weeks when we went back and I didn't want people to think I knew and didn't say anything Even though I let them all know what happened, I am still worried about how I will feel- in June we were making fun of me having to walk three flights of stairs every day, or how many trips I would have to make to the bathroom, or how my students would react to my big belly. Now I have nothing.
We feel like we want to have another one now, maybe because we got pregnant and were so happy about it. And some days I feel like we are fine just the way we are and have been for the last nine years. My daughter will be a senior in HS in a few weeks, and my other will be in 4th grade, and we're pretty happy. But at the same time, I almost feel like I "owe" something to the baby I lost. And it would be nice to have another little one in the house. But if I have another m/c then that would be it for us considering my daughter will practically be in college by then. Most days I just feel confused.