Hello Everyone, new here and sharing my story

Avatar for nmariean
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Hello Everyone, new here and sharing my story
Tue, 08-14-2012 - 9:40am

My name is Mary and I am 32 years old. I already have 2 girls age 16 and 8. In April I got pregnant unexpectedly and had an EDD of 1/31/2013. The last week of June I started Spotting and called the dr. and they said it was normal, although It wasn't normal for my other two pregnancies. On July 3 I was 9 weeks, 5 days, I was still spotting and it was my regular doctors checkup. I must have known somthing wasn't right, because my daugther wanted to come with me and I remember saying "If everything is ok, then you can come with me to the other one at 12 weeks."

The doctor immediately sent me down to the sonogram room when I told him I was still spotting, where the u/s tech didn't hear a heartbeat. The doctor and her told me together that my baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks. I could not belive what I was hearing and was in complete denial, and scheduled another u/s for the folliwing week, hoping they had just missed it.

That night, I started cramping severely and bleeding heavily so we headed to the hospital where they did the D&C. We were completely devasted, my girls both knew and we all cried together. It took me about a week to get out of bed and try to get some kind of normalacy back in my life. I messaged all the people that knew I was pregnant because I didn't want to talk to anyone, and I asked them not to call me. I cried when I found out my good friend was also pregnant and due two weeks before I would have given birth. I just couldn't be happy for her. I prayed every night that I would find peace within myself and come to understand that this was God's way. I did endless google searches on the cause of miscarriage, and what vitamins I should have taken, what I should have been eating and doing, thinking and hoping there was somehting I could have done differently. The first time my DH and I had sex after the D&C I cried. Now I am obsessed with watching A Baby Story on TLC.  It has been 6 weeks and now I have good days and bad days.I'm also worried about going back to work.. Before we left in June, I told everyone becautse I would have been 18 weeks when we went back and I didn't want people to think I knew and didn't say anything Even though I let them all know what happened, I am still worried about how I will feel- in June we were making fun of me having to walk three flights of stairs every day, or how many trips I would have to make to the bathroom, or how my students would react to my big belly. Now I have nothing.

We feel like we want to have another one now, maybe because we got pregnant and were so happy about it. And some days I feel like we are fine just the way we are and have been for the last nine years. My daughter will be a senior in HS in a few weeks, and my other will be in 4th grade, and we're pretty happy. But at the same time, I almost feel like I "owe" something to the baby I lost. And it would be nice to have another little one in the house. But if I have another m/c then that would be it for us considering my daughter will practically be in college by then. Most days I just feel confused.

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 4:43pm

I'm so sorry about your miscarriage, Mary :smileysad:  I really hope that you are feeling better physically, and hope that emotionally you will feel better soon.  I would give yourself some time to grieve this loss before deciding what you want to do about having another baby.  Some women like to try again right away, others need to wait a bit to deal with the loss.  I would listen to your heart, in your position I would be tempted as well to fill the void, although it would be a hard decision.  Have your daughters expressed an opinion at all?  It sounds like they were excited about the baby, so I wouldn't let their ages affect your decision. 

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 6:12pm

Hi Mary, I am soooo sorry for your loss!

I have had 2 losses, in a row (pretty much, the way you experienced yours)....there was a baby growing, with a heartbeat, but both of them stopped growing & died, at a certain point.  We had our 2nd baby tested & found out he was a boy and had a chromosmal abnormality, incompatable with life (we figured that's why our 1st angel died too). 

Let me just remind you, that there was NOTHING you could've done differently, to give your baby a better chance to live.  It wasn't your fault.  Most times a baby will died because there is an abnormality when the cells are dividing.  I know it's hard to hear, but a lot of times, it just comes down to bad luck.  :smileyfrustrated:

Of course, I would give anything to have either of my babies to make it into my arms....but, for 'whatever' reason God wanted my babies with Him.  Yes, I, too am scared to try again & am afraid to go through another loss, if we do try, but I also have a desire to finally get my rainbow baby....so there must be something to it?  I feel, listen to your heart & see what happens?  :heart:

Prayers for you to find that peace you need & just know, it isn't your fault this happened.  God bless!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend