I'm feeling like a bad person =,(

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2013
I'm feeling like a bad person =,(
Wed, 11-27-2013 - 11:53am

One week from today, I had to have an emergency surgery. I had an ecptopic pregnancy, very early. I knew I wasn't feeling like myself for a week or so prior to checking myself into the ER. I had a tubal ligation done last year, so the thought of pregnancy didn't cross my mind. 

Long story short, since then, needless to say, I've been a mess and very upset about what has happened to me. I never had a loss before. My fiance and our entire family and friends have felt much remorse. Now that it's been a week ago my attitude has hit the roof. I've been both equally sad and mad. This morning I attacked my fiance for looking at these sexy women posters on Facebook (nothing new) but realized he was looking at them whenever I wasn't present in the room. I came across this through our internet history because my oldest son went onto a site and accidentally downloaded a program that was messing up our computer and I had to back-track where the heck he got it from, then found the women posters. I guess anything sexual to me right now is the farthest thing from my mind but it doesn't seem to bother my fiance. Is this normal behavior for a man to do following a loss of a child? Maybe I'm just losing it. I know he asked me a few days ago when we can resume sex and I said it would be a while (to heal and to be mentally ready) and he just has this "disappointed" look on his face. I know men will look at a variety of female-related anything and it's normal but after something like this it doesn't seem appropriate to me.

I feel so bad because I've been lashing out towards my other children. They almost seem to be louder or more obnoxious or something (now it's Thanksgiving break from school and it's going to be worse) and they know I'm upset. My fiance seems to only be thinking about sex, sex and more sex and I don't think it's (right?) after what's happened a short time ago. Anyone else been in my shoes? I wish the mood swings would stop. Please chime in.

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 12-02-2013 - 4:36pm

(((HUGS))) Babyblue_4, I'm so very sorry for your loss.  It can be so emotionally trying to get through it, just try to deal with each day as it comes.  As for your fiance, men just don't get it.  They usually don't have the same sense of loss that we do, pregnancy isn't real to them until the baby arrives.  I think his behavior is pretty typical, although he needs to have a lot more empathy and compassion for what you are going through.  You need to heal both physically and emotionally before you'll be ready for sex, and he needs to be supportive of that.  At least you can point to your doctor's advice on how long he needs to wait.   I don't think he's intentionally hurting you by his internet browsing, he's just not being that sensitive :(   I hope you were able to relax over the weekend, and just get some time by yourself.  Let me know if there is anything I can do.