New here, need a friend...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2005
New here, need a friend...
1
Thu, 10-18-2012 - 1:57pm

Hi guys, I am new here and just needing some one to talk to. I lost my twins 11 years ago on October 5. Of course I was devastated but eventually reassured myself that I will meet them in heaven. Recently (in the last year or so) I have come to realize that it is my fault. I caused them to pass away. A friend of mine was pregnant too and saw the horrible time I was having with morning sickness and gave me a pill her dr prescribed her for nausea. I never thought for a moment that it would come to any harm. She said it was the same thing they give cancer patients to alleviate the side affects of chemo. I figured since she was pregnant too, it was ok. The stuff I have read explained why I lost my babies, I was 8 weeks she was in her third trimester. It wasn't safe for use in your 1st trimester. I am being eaten alive by my guilt. I am petrified to talk to anyone I know about this and can't afford a psychiatrist. I know I didn't mean to hurt my babies but I can't stand knowing that I killed them. I ask their forgiveness often and pray God is holding them and telling them how much I love them. Thanks for "listening" and I hope you don't think I'm a horrible person...

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Thu, 10-18-2012 - 5:48pm
I don't think you are a horrible person at all, and hope that somehow you can alleviate the guilt you are feeling over this. When a miscarriage occurs, it's very easy to place the blame on yourself, and you just can't do that to yourself. I'm not sure what the pill was, but you cannot be 100% sure that it would cause you to miscarry, there could have been many other reasons it happened. I wish I could take away your guilt, sending you lots of (((HUGS))).