First Miscarriage at 16 weeks

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2011
First Miscarriage at 16 weeks
1
Sun, 03-20-2011 - 4:18pm

I'm 25, mother of two healthy children - 7 & 4.5. I was diagnosed with poly-cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) in July 2009 and was told I probably wouldn't be able to have anymore children. My husband and I had pretty well accepted this fact, but we hoped a "miracle" would happen if we were meant to have more children. I found out I was 8 weeks pregnant on January 18, 2011 and was ecstatic.

At my first OB appointment they took what seemed like pints of blood for testing. Due to the back-to-back winter storms in the area, the lab was backed up and it took almost two weeks to get the results back. I got a call that the progesterine level was really low - 8.1 when it should be 20+. Doctor started me on hormones and, when she saw me at 12 weeks, she said everything should be fine. We had an ultrasound and our baby seemed to be putting on a show for us.

I went for my 16 week appointment Monday and there was no heartbeat. It seems the baby must have passed a couple days before - she measured 15.5 weeks. The doctor said I was at the borderline for being too far along to have a D&C, and she highly recommended I deliver so as to not risk harming my uterus. On March 17, 2011, I delivered our little girl at 11:15 a.m. She was 6 inches and 72 grams. We're waiting for autopsy results, as there was no clear indication as to what went wrong.

Now I honestly feel like I'm losing my mind. Anything sets me off and once I start crying, I can't stop. I can't sleep without medication. I'm still cramping. It just seems like each day is getting harder rather than easier. I'm trying to hold it together for my kids and I know I'm not doing a good job. My 7 year old daughter is constantly giving me hugs and telling me she's so sorry. I shouldn't be making her feel like she needs to take care of me. There are just so many things going through my mind right now and I just can't hold it together.

I feel like I should try going back to work tomorrow, but I'm just not sure. I'm hoping some form of normalcy might help, but just going to the grocery store this afternoon resulted in tears. My husband thinks my first day back is going to be hard simply because all my co-workers are concerned and will want to hug and/or talk about things. He thinks getting it over with might be a good thing. I just don't know. All I know is sitting around the house is unbearable. If I'm awake, I'm a crying mess or a zombie. The only way to sleep is to be highly medicated.

Could anyone that's been there please give me some kind of advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2010
Sun, 03-20-2011 - 9:38pm
I am so sorry for your loss...it is such a life-changing experience to lose a baby. I also had two uncomplicated previous pregnancies (DS,12 and DD, 3) so the loss of my third pregnancy at 21 weeks(December 15, 2010) was totally unexpected. I know exactly how you feel about 'losing your mind' and wanting to cry all day...I also felt completely lost and did not know how life could possibly go on, but I can tell you that it does get easier. Having your husband and living children will help tremendously. I tell people that I could not have made it without them and that my husband is my rock and my children are my joy. The pain of your loss and missing the child you should be holding will never go away but time will make you better able to deal with your emotions.

I would not rush going back to work...I took six or seven weeks off following my loss...I was experiencing some serious depression and could NOT have returned to work so take all the time you need. It was so hard for me to deal with the fact that life must go on without my baby...I wanted so badly to turn back the clock to when he was still alive and kicking.

I have found so much support here on this board and others here at iVillage. There are many women here who are full of encouragement, advice, and support and we are here to listen and help as needed. Again, I am so sorry for your loss and pray for comfort for you as you begin the journey to your new normal.
--angel
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