confused about crying

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
confused about crying
4
Sun, 06-19-2011 - 10:43pm

I am 2 weeks post birth of an angel (23 weeks).

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 12:06pm
(((HUGS))) I'm so very sorry for all of your losses, you've been through so much. You are probably crying for both the loss of your baby and the lost chance, and I'm sure it's not how you envisioned ending that chapter of your life. I think you should give yourself time to grieve and time to think about whether you want to try again or not.

We'll be here for you whenever you need us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 12:50pm
I'm so sorry for your loss. For me, tears were for everything... loss of baby, loss of life, loss of hope, just many tears for loss of everything. I think that you need to give yourself time to grieve. You need to grieve the loss of all your babies. You may find, in time, that you want to try again and you'll be excited and hopeful, or you may find that you do not want to try again and you'll be at peace with what you have now.

It's very possible that if you already had family to focus on when you experienced your first loss, that maybe you buried those emotions and feelings, and now, they're all trying to come out. Grief from losing a baby is like none other. I read in one of the tons of support books I skimmed through, regarding losing a parent compared to losing a child "when you lose your parents, you have lost your past, but when you lose your child, you have lost your future". Other people are supposed to die, but our children are supposed to outlive us, and when that chain of events is broken, how can you deal? It's not supposed to happen that way, it's unnatural, and the grief that follows is also unnatural. Give yourself permission to grieve all of your babies.

I've recently talked to several women who have never lost a child, (I've lost 4 and have no living children) and they question how can we still try, after such loss and such heartbreak, how can we continue to try. Well, as someone on another board always says "the heart wants what the heart wants" and after you've allowed yourself a bit of healing by grieving, you may find that your heart wants another child, or you may find that your heart wants what you already have, and either way, you'll be at peace with that.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 8:48pm

I hear you about waiting to decide.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 11:44am
It's so hard when others around have no clue. I'm sorry about what you're dealing with at work. For me, seeing pregnant people has been one of the hardest things. I swear, every single corner I would turn, there would be at least one pregnant girl. It's like I have pregnant lady radar.

I wish people understood that quite possibly the worst question is "how are you doing" because they always have that look when they ask, like they are hoping you'll say "I'm fine" and that their question won't spark a conversation, because that would make them really uncomfortable.

I agree about the "shrink" comment. How are you supposed to know if what you're feeling is normal, or over the top? Well, coming here helped me tremendously to understand that most of what I was feeling was in fact very normal. It makes you feel like more of a person than a freak, ya know. It's nice to know that you are normal, well whatever normal is now.


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