I can't believe I am here. I never wanted to be a part of this group.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
I can't believe I am here. I never wanted to be a part of this group.
10
Sat, 10-16-2010 - 5:22pm

Hello, my name is Alex and my son, Elliott Christopher Hudson was born still yesterday at 2:46 am at 26 weeks. He was 1LB 4oz and 11.25 inches long. He was perfect and we do not know yet what went devastating remember coming on this board in the past reading devastating posts and crying to myself thinking how incredibly horrible everyone's situation was and now I am here. This is simply unreal.

My husband and I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter who was so excited for this baby. We are devastated for so many reasons. We didn't yet know Elliott but love him so much - our hearts ache.

I can't help but thinking about 1000 things I did wrong - feeling responsible for my own child's death. I am a believer in Christ and know that my son is in a perfect place with the Lord. I am looking to share my story, get support and comfort and provide that for others as best that I can.

Your prayers are appreciated, Alex

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2010

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Elliott. I lost my daughter at 34 weeks and 2 days on June 21, 2010 due to an umbilical cord accident. You will feel all kinds of emotions. You will be angry, sad, blaming yourself, etc. Just remember to take it one day at a time and some days you have to take it one hour at a time. One thing that helped me and my husband was communication to make sure we knew how each other were doing and surrounding ourselves with family and friends. Also know that your husband will grieve differently than you. I wanted so mad to get mad at my husband because after a couple of weeks he showed no emotion when I was still in the early stages of grieving and I had to realize they grieve differently and normally quicker than us. A friend of mine who lost triplets told me when we lost Kandace that you can be mad at God and scream at him as often as you need, he can handle it. It makes things easier also to be a believer in Christ. I am also and God and my church family have been a tremendous support during this time. I don't visit this board as much know that I have joined the ttc after loss and now pregnant after loss but I am here if you need to talk. If you have facebook I am on there as well under Kristin Graybill Beverly. It is a true help to be able to talk to someone who has gone through it. The women on here are absolutely wonderful and supportive. You can say or talk about anything because we understand what you are going through., My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.

Kristin-Angel Mommy to Kandace Lynn 6-21-2010

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007

Kristin, Thank you so much for the reply.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2007

Hello.

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009

Alex-

No one wants to be apart of our small group but sadly here we are.

Rachel

Mommy to Angel Natalie (born to heaven on December 23, 2008) and Noa (born January 27, 2010)! Now expecting number 3 in June of 2011!
Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008

(((HUGS)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
I am so sorry of the loss of your sweet Elliott. I know it is hard but do know you done nothing wrong.
I am so glad you found this board. There are some wonderful ladies around here.
I lost my daughter in sept 09 and my son in oct 10.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010

Hello, I wanted to leave my condolences for the lost of your Beauitful Son. I know your pain all to well, It is a long road so I am told and beginning to see, I pray for god speed to give you some peace in your heart. I too blamed myself and could not stop asking WHY? And What could I have done?....But I now

Lilypie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2009

Hi Alex,

I am sorry you have to be part of this group.

 

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007

Thank you so much for your support. It does help to conect with others who have gone through this. -Alex

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007

Heartheranne, Thank you so much for the reply. We had tests done and Elliott's autopsy did not eveal anything. The palcenta had some things found but it could have been post mortem changes. So we do not have any answers. I had another MD look at the report and she said it was nothing that one could have really picked up on. I felt better about it because this is an MD that works in a NICU and has been on a mortaility and morbidity review board for over 20 years and she said it many times you won't know and that is hard. I am afraid to get pregnant again and feel like I am going to be so nervous about everything.

Photobucket