Oh Sara, I am so sorry for the loss of your Ruby Jayne. My heart breaks for you and tears are in my eyes. It's really hard at first - you don't know how to feel, your friends and family don't know what to say, your arms are empty and your heart broken. Please don't stop going to counseling though! This is so important - without 14 months of it for myself and DH, I don't know if I would have made it. Even after 3 1/2 years I blame myself for losing our Bregan, though it was my midwives fault and my rational brain knows this. If you don't like your counselor - find a new one! BUT please don't blame yourself!!! Stillbirths are very unexplained - much like SIDS. Even if you would have rushed to the hospital at that moment - there is no promise things would have turned out differently. I know you are still in so much pain. When we lost Bregan, I threw myself into other things - I made sure he had a lovely memorial, I only asked that money be sent to the NICU Social Workers fund at the hospital he passed away at. Another dear Momma I know, when her Benjamin was born sleeping, she involved herself in creating "healing boxes" for the hospital to give away to the families of sleeping babies. Time will heal your broken heart and I know it doesn't feel that way now, but it will. It's not fair and like you, I had so many friends with babies on either side of my due date, but I stayed friends with them and they were really there for me too. I understood that their baby was not my Angel, but sometimes it was unbearable. (((HUGS))) for you and your DH.
There really aren't words to say how sorry I am for your loss.