My Beautiful Chunky Demetrius

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Registered: 12-31-1969
My Beautiful Chunky Demetrius
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 12:58am

My pregnancy was a complete surprise to me and my fiance. We already have two children together and we did not plan to have anymore anytime soon. He had just lost his father and I was in school working on my BA degree. It came at a bad time. However we decided to adapt and embrace this pregnancy as this would be the last one for us. He was even happier that the child would be a boy. He has two girls from previous and we have a daughter and son together. So this would be his second boy. He would say things like this was his fathers way of coming back to him. I went through my entire pregnancy with no complications. I had all my tests to come back fine. I didnt have high blood pressure and no signs of anything being wrong. My sonograms showed a healthy baby. My doctor was concerned about my weigt so I did have to watch that but that was easy. I even lost weight in my pregancy. I scheduled my c-section because that is how I delivered my other two children so this would be a repeat procedure. In the last weeks of my pregnancy I gained 10-15 pounds. But it was all in my belly.At 38 weeks I stopped working and went on maternity leave to prepare for delivery of my baby. On 8-10-12 I went to the hospital as scheduled to deliver my boy. I arrived on time and began the process. I was hooked up to the fetal monitors where I heard a heartbeat so i assumed everything was fine. The nurse contiued asking about my medical history and the process contiued. After about an hour the nurse says she has been monitoring my heartbeat and not the babys. Then she says she can't find a heartbeat. She goes to get the doctor and everything went pretty fast after that. They had to do a emergency c-section and put me fully under. I remember being awakend by my doctor.The first thing she said to me was that my baby didnt make it. I thought it was  a bad dream. I looked up and my mom was there crying and I knew everything was real. I bursted into tears and just began to apologize. I remeber just screaming how sorry I was . My mom kept telling me it wasnt my fault. My fiance came in next and we just held each other and cried. The nurses kept asking if I wanted to see him and hat he was in the room, but i couldnt look at him because if I did that would just make even more real. After about 10 more minutes of this i finally asked for him. when they wheeled him over he looked like he was just sleeping. I held him and he was so heavy. He was 10lbs 8 ounces and full term. I kept looking and kissing him wishing that he would just breathe for me but he didnt. HE looked just like his brother.My doctor told me she did not know waht happened. She also told me that it looked as though he had passed at least 1 day earlier. She then made it a point to tell me that she would be un-reachable over the weekend and then she left. The nurses kept coming to try to take him away but I wouldnt let them. I just kept hoping that he would take a breath or cry out, but he never did. I finally let them take him away. I had someone ask me what my arrangments for him were and  I kept thinking the only arrangement I had was to take him home. My sister being the strong person she is made all arrangements for me. His memorial will be this upcoming Saturday and it still doesn't seem real. I miss my son everyday I take a breath but I have to stay strong for my other children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 11:21am

I am so very sorry for your loss; so badly, I wish I had words that could offer you some comfort. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your family and your precious little angel.  I know that his memorial will be very difficult for you, but perhaps knowing that others are carrying him in their hearts will help to give you even a tiny bit of additional strength. {{HUGS}}

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 2:59pm

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious little boy :smileysad:  It's so unfair that he's not with your family.  I hope that you are finding strength in your children and fiance, just know that we will be here for you throughout.  Big (((HUGS))), you will be in my thoughts.