No idea if I'm in the right place...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2007
No idea if I'm in the right place...
4
Sat, 10-09-2010 - 10:12am

I keep looking but it seems that I'm in the middle of everything and don't really fit anywhere. I was 17 weeks when I lost and had to deliver my son. That was on October 2. I went on friday for a regular checkup and they couldn't find a heartbeat. I had to go Saturday and deliver him and then had to have a D&C because the placenta wouldn't deliver and I was bleeding heavily. My body is still hurting and I am still emotionally wrecked. I've miscarried before and kept hoping that I could convince myself it was just a 'late miscarriage' like they term it but it was a baby..it was my baby..it was a boy that had a home, had a family, and is loved. I've got 4 other kids that don't quite understand and have questions on and off which aren't easy to answer. I seem to have good days where I can pull my head out of the fog (and basically pretend it's a horrible dream) and then I have bad days where I know it's reality..an unfair reality but reality none the less. I just don't understand how after 4 healthy pregnancies with no issues at all..this could happen. They did testing and said it was genetic but I can't get past thinking that my thyroid had something to do with it and it was my fault. I've got friends that are supportive luckily but others seem to think that I should be ok by now..they are uncomfortable around me and try to pretend it didn't happen.

Cathy


Mom to Madi, Emma, Jordan, Alan Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Sun, 10-10-2010 - 6:28pm

Hi Cathy, First I wanted to say so sorry...I know your pain to well, I lost my son

Lilypie
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2010
Mon, 10-11-2010 - 7:04pm

Hey hun. I first want to say I am so sorry you have had to join us and for the loss of your precious baby. I lost my precious Kandace at 34 weeks and 2 days on June 21, 2010. I can say it does get easier but still at 3 and 1/2 months I still have days that I struggle. I have found that talking with my dh and being open about how I am feeling and how he is feeling helped me the best. Remember that your dh will greive differently and probably quicker than you. You will be sad, angry, depressed, among many other emotions. Just remember to be easy on yourself and know it was not your fault. Talk it one day at a time and some days you even have to take it one hour at a time. Also know the ladies on here are so supportive. they have really helped me and it is nice to have someone to talk to that understands your feelings. We are here if you need anything and just remember be easy on yourself.

Kristin-Angel Mommy to Kandace Lynn

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2007
Tue, 10-12-2010 - 8:47am

Thank you ladies..I'm sorry for your losses as well, but it is nice to have people that understand. I'm sure that sounds awful but you get what I mean. It feels like everyone is looking at me right now thinking that I should be over it already and I can't pretend that I'm ok. I seem to have good days and then bad days. My body is still sore and I don't understand that one. I can see some progress..I have times of sadness instead of days so that's movement.

Cathy


Mom to Madi, Emma, Jordan, Alan Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2010
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 10:56pm

Hi Cathy,

I'm so sorry about the loss of your precious son.

Steph - Mommy to Alicia Autumn born at rest 03/17/10 @ 21 weeks & 3 days.

Lilypie - Personal picture