Honestly

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Honestly
9
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 9:23pm

Honest truth. I want a living, crying, screaming baby in my arms. I want to photograph every single second of his/her life, I want to hear giggles and coos, I want to watch my husband comfort a crying infant, and rock them to sleep.

I want another baby. I want Isaiah. I need a living child.

I know its been a while since I posted, it is difficult to see so many graduate from this board, and here we are 16months ttc. and it sucks. I am so happy for everyone here, I really am, and I hate that I am jealous.

If anyone cares, I am having surgery on the 9th to remove endometriosis, something I both look forward to and dread all at the same time. I hope that this holds the keys and answers that we have been waiting sooo long for. I pray that this will be the last chapter in our struggle for another child, and that we will be able to start a new story, a new chapter, and a new life with a happy healthy living baby in our arms.

How can you get pregnant so easily and unexpectedly the first time, and this time around have nothing but issues????!! *sigh*

I hope that spring brings us all what we wish for and desire.

All my love,

Kandis- Mommy to Isaiah Daniel born sleeping 10/23/2008


Forever missing my sweet little boy....You are forever ours Isaiah, until we meet again at the gates of Heaven.......


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Kandis- Mommy to Isaiah Daniel born sleeping 10/23/2008


Forever missing my sweet little boy....You are forever ours Is

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2009
In reply to: isaiahsmommy1023
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 10:17pm

I hope that spring does bring us all what we wish for and desire. Losing a child just adds that much more stress to TTC. Kandis- I will be praying for you. 16 mos. is a long road. Don't give up! Sending baby dust and prayers for a healthy, screaming baby for you and your husband. You deserve it.

HUGS!

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2008
In reply to: isaiahsmommy1023
Sat, 03-20-2010 - 8:09pm

im sorry kandis. i think of uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu all the time!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
In reply to: isaiahsmommy1023
Sun, 03-21-2010 - 10:24am

I want another baby. I want Isaiah. I need a living child.


That made me cry. That right there says it all doesnt it?


I definately care and I will be thinking about you and praying for you while you have and recover from your surgery. Thats a major step.


How do you feel about it?

              *Praying for my best friend, my Dad*


 &n

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
In reply to: isaiahsmommy1023
Sun, 03-21-2010 - 3:50pm

Thank you all so much for your kind words :) It means a lot!!

Im not really sure how I feel about it at all, I mean I hope that this will be the answer, that this will help us be able to get pregnant once more, and at the same time I am so angry that it's taken 16months to figure out what was wrong.... I really feel defeated. The medical profession has definitely let me down!! Ill make a long (super long) story short, I changed OBs about 6months after losing Isaiah, my OB that delivered Isaiah did not run any blood tests or anything on me, and when my test results came in from Isaiah, and the placenta and cord he did not share them- granted there was nothing wrong with any of those things, he still should have called to say your results were just perfect, nothing that we could find. So I was already super pissed about that one. THen I change drs, I see one Dr, and I took my charts and everything so he could look at my ovulation, and he just glanced at them, but he did go over all of our tests that I hadn't gotten to see about Isaiah, then prescribed clomid to help boost my ovulation. THen i was transferred to the RE so she could monitor my ovulation induction etc. I did that for 10months..... after trying for about 4months we discovered that I have PCOS and hypothyroidism and I was peeved about that. Why didn't we check these things before we started actively TTC????!!!!!!!

So my apt in feb was just to check on my thyroid with the OB that I see for that, who is absolutely amazing BTW. haha. And we were discussing what has been going on and how we stil weren't pg and he started asking me ?s and asked if anyone had ever asked or suspected endo. then I realized that I hadn't even had a pelvic exam since 5weeks PP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Soooo why have I wasted so much time and money on feritlity treatments and IUIs when we're going to fail???!!!

I just fell between the cracks being switched fro dr to dr, so now the OB who discovered my endo is going to completely take over my treatment, and he will be conducting my surgery. I am very happy about that, he is my absolute favorite dr anyways. I feel bad b/c I really can't blame my other drs, it really was just a matter of being passed all around, and "having too many hands in the pot"

But it's also not my fault. Im tired of crying alll the time. Im 24years old and I feel like ive lived the horrible lifetime experiences of at least 5 90year old women.

The part that really grinds my gears is that I have been telling my dr time after time after time that I felt like we were missing something, that something still wasn't right........but I didn't have a legitimate example soooo I kinda got ignored. Same thing with Isaiah, I knew something wasn't right, but since everything looked good nothing was investigated.

*sigh* sorry this turned into a book.... Im just really frustrated and scared and sad. I don't know what we're going to do if this isn't the answer....... IVF is too expensive right now......... :(

I need loads of prayer!!!!!

Kandis- Mommy to Isaiah Daniel born sleeping 10/23/2008


Forever missing my sweet little boy....You are forever ours Isaiah, until we meet again at the gates of Heaven.......


Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket



Kandis- Mommy to Isaiah Daniel born sleeping 10/23/2008


Forever missing my sweet little boy....You are forever ours Is

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
In reply to: isaiahsmommy1023
Sun, 03-21-2010 - 3:53pm

Jenn

I think of you fondly very often and I pray for you as well..... You're lucky that you at least have your other living children to hold, Im still sitting here with completely empty arms. My poor puppies think they're children b/c they're all we have. haha.

Im sorry that we're both still here, still stuck. Have you gone to a dr to have them check things out??

Kandis- Mommy to Isaiah Daniel born sleeping 10/23/2008


Forever missing my sweet little boy....You are forever ours Isaiah, until we meet again at the gates of Heaven.......


Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket



Kandis- Mommy to Isaiah Daniel born sleeping 10/23/2008


Forever missing my sweet little boy....You are forever ours Is

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2008
In reply to: isaiahsmommy1023
Sun, 03-21-2010 - 9:41pm

Hey Kandis,


I just want you to know that I think of you and the other ladies as well and pray for you often. I'm praying that this is the answer for you and you have the desires of your heart soon... a screaming little one. I can relate to so many of your frustrations with

(Mom to Eli, our dear son, born into heaven July 25, 2008)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2010
In reply to: isaiahsmommy1023
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 7:01pm

I'm so sorry to hear of your problems!

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2008
In reply to: isaiahsmommy1023
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 12:08pm

your absolutly right... i am lucky to have my older children.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
In reply to: isaiahsmommy1023
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 7:23pm

              *Praying for my best friend, my Dad*


 &n