left behind

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2010
left behind
11
Fri, 01-07-2011 - 12:01pm
Hi
Lately I have had such a mix of emotions. I am so so so happy for the angel moms who have had their rainbow baby or who have gotten their bfp. But I feel so alone sometimes. I am one of the only ones left. It's been almost ten months and my heart has healed some. But we have been dealing with fertility issues and no answers.right now other than needing more time and less stress the doctors say. We r also starting the adoption process. But how does one keep staying hopeful when you r the last one left...or at least it feels like that right now...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2010
In reply to: elana2010
Fri, 01-07-2011 - 2:12pm
i know how u feel. i feel left behind too Elena. it's been 1 year now since i lost my angel sofie. My bf is living eighteen hours away, don't know when i will see him. he moved away for a job. i'm debating whether to have a baby through donor insemination, because my bf has told me in the past he doesnt't want children. but i'm not sure if he said that because he was out of work. I just want a baby so much, and i'm almost 39 years old.
i just want u to know elena i understand your pain.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2008
In reply to: elana2010
Fri, 01-07-2011 - 5:47pm

i feel your pain ladies. i had my still birth 1.23 08.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2010
In reply to: elana2010
Fri, 01-07-2011 - 5:50pm
Thank you so much for your support. This is a rough journey with so many mixed emotions and decisions. I hope that this year will be better than last year. It's strange how one can want something so bad but then be terrified at the same time. Right now I haven't been on the board much because we have decided to not be so obsessed with ttc. We will just wait and see how things work out. It's just the patience part that I lack.
Carissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
In reply to: elana2010
Fri, 01-07-2011 - 6:32pm

I have felt that very same way for a VERY long time..............I can't even post much anymore b/c I feel like a broken record. It's been 2years

Kandis- Mommy to Isaiah Daniel born sleeping 10/23/2008


Forever missing my sweet little boy....You are forever ours Is

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2010
In reply to: elana2010
Fri, 01-07-2011 - 6:55pm

Hi,

I lost my son a little over nine months ago and I feel the same way.

 
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2010
In reply to: elana2010
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 3:03pm
Jen
Thank u so much for your encouraging words. It so nice having the supper of other angel moms. It is so hard dealing with all the emotions and fertility issue at the same time. Sometimes its so nice to vent. I have followed you since I have been on the site. I am so happy for you and the happiness you have found. How r things going with u?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2010
In reply to: elana2010
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 3:11pm

Thank you so much for your support. Its sometimes just nice to know that I am not alone with my feelings. It is so frustrating when losing a child, with no answers and then having ferility issues. I know how expensive, exhausting, and frustrating it can be. I know I have not been on this journey as long as you, but I have the same exact feelings. Right now we have stopped with all the fertility treatments because it was just so stressful for me. And the doctor really had no answers for us said that just needed to relax and see what happens in a year from now. I was frustrated kind of by that so we are starting the adoption process. It's a long process, but it gives me hope and makes me feel like we are moving on somewhat and have something else to focus on.

How are things going with you? Are you doing fertility treatments.

Carissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2010
In reply to: elana2010
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 3:14pm

I hope that your husband changes his mind :) I can't imagine how hard that is. I too pray that we will all get the happiness that we all deserve.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2010
In reply to: elana2010
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 5:41pm

Thanks!

 
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
In reply to: elana2010
Wed, 01-12-2011 - 7:39pm

We're currently trying to decide what we want to do................. We did a lot of fertility treatments in the past year. We did everything but IVF, and Injectibles. We tried Femara,which I respond amazingly to! Clomid, which I am restistant to. Triggered ovulation, timed BD and IUI, Triggers and IUI, Metformin, and a billion follicle studies.

My dr is absolutely great, but he can't tell me what is wrong. Every time I go in, I cry. I was diagnosed with hypothyroid, and I have polycystic ovaries, but neither of those spell out the fertility death sentence we've experienced. In june I had a huge breakdown after a perfect cycle, perfectly timed IUI loads of follicles that ended in yet another BFN. I snapped and had to walk away.

We didn't have any trouble conceiving our Angel, so we just don't understand. If one more person tells me "calm down, its stress, you need to relax" Im going to punch them :) (i mean that as nicely as possible too! haha)

It's just hard, It really is, having fertility issues on top of the grief is so hard, and most dont understand the added toll that it takes on a person..... We've considered adoption, but we spent all of our savings over the past two years doing all of these treatments..... what a waste :(

Im usually not on here too often, so if you want, you are more than welcome to email me. its kandistubb@ymail.com

I look forward to hearing from you!

Kandis- Mommy to Isaiah Daniel born sleeping 10/23/2008


Forever missing my sweet little boy....You are forever ours Is

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