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|Thu, 09-15-2011 - 12:48pm|
In February of this year, my husband and I found out that we were expecting a child. My head was spinning with happiness, nervousness, fear, anxiety, and sheer excitement. Immediately, I began gathering information, reading online, talking to people that had had a baby before,etc. My whole life I knew I wanted to be a mom, and when I found out I was pregnant I couldn't describe how happy I was. My husband was ecstatic. Then, on August 19th, I went to the hospital because I was having contractions. This was extremely scary for me because I knew I wasn't due until November, and at 10:23 the doctor informed me that there was no heartbeat and that my beautiful precious little Michael Aaron had passed away. For the next three days, I was in the hospital knowing full well that I was going to have to deliver my son that had already passed away. I was 27 weeks. It's been 4 weeks, and I'm still trying so hard to cope with my sadness. I'm still trying so hard not to blame myself. I know I didn't do anything wrong, but trying to make myself believe that it's not my fault is more difficult than most people realize. On August 24th, we had a graveside service for my precious little angel. I'm supposed to go for a 4 week check up on Tuesday. I guess the question I'm wondering is does it ever become easier? And if I get pregnant again soon, how do I keep from being so nervous and stressed out? How do you do it?