Thinking about TTC again
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|Wed, 02-17-2010 - 10:29am|
I am very spiritual, and I do Sense her with me, which is comforting but I ache to hold her in my arms, and dream of seeing a happy, healthy little girl toddling around now. My son, who is nearly three misses her lots, and talks about her too.
We are thinking of trying again in the summer. But I am so scared, and anxious that its making me doubt myself. I can't help but think of all the what ifs.
a big part of me envies people that have never lost a baby because they have the innocence that I used to that everything will be ok.
But now, I know that its not always the way. With Sienna we reached all the milestones,
12 weeks less risk of miscarriage
24 weeks - viability
29 weeks - when my ds was born
32 weeks - when sienna was born and they thought she'd only be in for a few weeks as she was doing so well in the beginning, it wasn't until she was five and half months old that she lost her fight in Nicu :(
And from joining SANDS I know so much about things that can go wrong, to the point that I've completely lost the innocence and joy of planning/ hoping for a baby.
I don't want to offend anyone with this, but just needed to let it out, its not something I feel I can say to friends/ family as I know it comes across wrong.
I really would love to have another baby, for my son to have a brother or sister here with him, to grow up with. But I just don't know how I'd cope with all these fears.