Have a personal question OT(m)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Have a personal question OT(m)
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 3:51pm
Ok it's personal regarding me really. I am a Girl Scout leader. I am darned proud to be a girl scout leader. Now is there anything anywhere written that I have to be married? No right?

I'm not married, but I have 2 kids and I live with my second DD's father. We are a very happy couple. I was visiting a board on the relationship channel sort of venting about not being married yet, well not really venting but wanting to meet others in the same boat. I was put in the position of defending myself and told them that I am a good person, a nurse and girl scout leader. Anyways one of the people accused me of lying to all my mothers and that if they knew I was not married but living with the father of my child that I was teaching bad values to the girls. So am I setting bad values? I can see if I was just living with any guy and my kids, but this is my second DD's father. My oldest DD's father is absent, missing. I just wanted to hear it from the mouths of GS you know??

All my moms know that I'm not married, they know my living situation.

Just wanted to feel like I'm not the worst GS leader of the century. I love all my daisies and would hate to think I'm hurting them, afterall they don't know anything about anything at this point.



Avatar for cathiann
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 4:14pm
Shannon--don't take anything that person said seriously. They don't know you! And some people feel entitled to attack anyone since it's so impersonal here on the internet. Just try and forget about it. You know you're not hurting the girls, nor did you "lie" to their parents (if it's any business of theirs who you live with! It's not like you're telling the girls each week how wonderful it is to be living with someone!).

Anyway, lots of hugs! And don't let it get to you


Surviving Middle & High School
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 4:14pm

even if you were nominated for sainthood there would be someone out there that would pass judgement on you based soley on thier preconcieved ideas.

GS is about diversity and as such we accept all girls if you are doing your job correctly, the girls are having fun, and parents are informed of troop doings then that is all that matters.

Your personal life is just that - personal.

We try to teach our girls to make informed decisions that are good for them and to have confidence in thier choices based upon thier value system. We need to have that same respect for adults otherwise the girls would not have the necessary confidence to make up thier own mind about thier life and goals.

take care

Avatar for cl_ktbugsmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 4:18pm
with all the different family situations there are in the world today you are doing no harm to your girls. and honestly unless you bring it up your personal life is none of anyone elses buisness. Not everyone has that perfect never been divorced all my kids have the same dad and we're fairy tale happy lives. Loads of people have fairy tale happy lives with other living arangements and what matters is that the family is stable, happy and the kids are loved! I have an extremly well adjusted Daisy who spends M-F with her god parents and the weekends with her mom and her boyfriend of the month. So what? she's not abused, she's happy, she's loved, who has the right to tell her her life is "wrong"?

So you go on with your "bad" self and enjoy life. leave those little bitties to worry about the small things in other people's lives! LOL I was just thinking I bet I could profile her just by what you've told us! lol *sigh* you're fine, don't let it bring you down, the parents would tell you if it bugged them.


Avatar for 6xacharm
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 5:01pm
Geez sweetie,

You're having a tough week, girl. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this on top of everything else.

I tell ya, I get so tired of people on the boards who feel the need to chastise others. I guess since there's anominimity, they feel empowered to be ugly. Sad. Not sure why they feel the need.

I'd just ignore them and not even respond. Do you feel like you're doing a good and loving job with your Daisies? Then that's all that matters.

Keep your faith girl, things will get better!



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 5:19pm
Well! You just need to ditch that board since they obviously don't know what they are talking about. I would not have a problem with a person in charge of my child who was living with a partner without the benefit of marriage. For heaven's sake, this is 2003! Everyone has to make their own choices and I'm trying to teach my kids tolerance, not judgement.

Live your own life and don't worry about the opinion of a total stranger.

BTW, as a council staffer, we had a few complaints about leaders without spouses, or unsavory lifestyle choices. As long as they did their job as a leader, we backed them up. If their poor judgement impacted their ability to supervise girls, we suggested changes or if it got really bad, encouraged them to reconsider troop leadership. Did the council ask your marital status? Nope!

Honestly, the longer I'm married the more I think the institution is overrated and is something our society imposes on us for reasons that aren't always beneficial. IMHO, humans weren't necessarily designed to mate for life! I mean, if you are, great, but if not, that should be okay also!


Avatar for beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-1998
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 5:25pm
Nope and if you do it right, none of the girls will know either or care if you are married or not. LOL!

Heck my DD is in 3rd grade and hasn't gotten that "Ms." is different than "Mrs." that is different than "Miss"....she's *FINALLY* getting it down but when in lower grades forget it. Then at daycamp, seems 90% of the people are "Miss" so & so. (OK, I know you didn't ask about titles but still....I could NOT tell you if most of the volunteers I worked with the last 2 years were married or not).

In reality, no one would know I was married either, I don't wear my wedding ring, their Dad rarely, if ever (as a matter of fact I don't think EVER) has picked her up from a Girl Scout event...so just from the *outside* I would look like a single mom.

So, just a HUG to you that No I don't think you are a bad influence, etc... and just figure it's a message board and you are going to have people from all different viewpoints. If they wouldn't want their DD in a troop where the leader wasn't married then that is their perogative (although it would never even cross my mind to ASK the leader if they were married or not. I have this habit of just assuming everyone is *around my age* too...I nearly fell over when I found out the leader was in her 20's (not because it's bad but I had no clue)).


Becky - Mom to Carolyn (17), Aaron (15), Kyle (11) & Luke (8)
Send a free greeting card on me!!
Avatar for tinansteve
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 7:00pm
Shannon it is me Tina from ttcac board honey you are doing Caitlyn and many other girls a service being their leader. Whoever told you this needs to get down off their high horse and realize we are not in the 50's anymore there are so many different family dynamics. Enjoy your Daisies it is a wonderul thing you are doing ((((hugs))))
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Mon, 05-12-2003 - 10:48pm

There is no rule regarding who can and cannot be a GS Leader. If cohabitating with the father of your child without the benefit of marriage is the only thing someone can find to criticize you about, then you're doing good. Don't let someone else's antiquated ideology spoil it for you! Besides, unless she's one of the moms of a girl in your troop, her input isn't worth a plug nickel, anyway!



Avatar for homeschooltwins
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 05-13-2003 - 1:56pm
I always say, "I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person." ROFLOL! Obviously, that person was definitely *unarmed!* Prolly more than half the population of the world lives together without benefit of a piece of paper; heck, sometimes all they have to do to be *married* is to eat a bowl of rice together! It's not about someone/something else pronouncing the couple is married, it is what is in their own hearts that count.

If my troop/parents knew even 1% of the things that have happened to me, that I 've done, or what I believe in, they'd prolly go running out into the streets. (Well, actually, I've got a pretty cool group... maybe they wouldn't.) But, I don't have to worry about that, because it's none of their business.

You are an exceptional person, a good mother, a wonderful partner, and an awesome leader! Don't let anyone try to tell you different.