Baby or No Baby - When You Disagree

Avatar for Cmmelissa
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Registered: 11-13-2008
Baby or No Baby - When You Disagree
5
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 3:16pm

Are you in a situation where one of you wants a baby and the other doesn't?  I just watched a video from the Huffington Post, based off an article they had regarding this issue, here is a link if you would like to watch it:

http://www.aol.com/video/when-only-one-person-wants-kids-should-you-marry/517522750/?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmaing7%7Cdl6%7Csec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D228490

From the article:

Clearly, couples should discuss and negotiate the baby question (and all other pivotal issues) before making a serious commitment, although there is no guarantee that one person's feelings won't change later on. 

When one person desperately wants a child and the other desperately doesn't, the situation can't be handled by compromise. I've seen people try it, and it doesn't work. 

You can read the complete article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/08/baby-or-no-baby_n_1753471.html

In the first story from the video, it sounded like his ex-girlfriend was continually hoping that he would change his mind, and both of them pushed off confronting the issue rather than dealing with it.   It's not an easy situation to be in at all, because like their story, sometimes this disagreement means an end to the relationship. 

Do you agree with the author's opinion that you can't find a compromise in this situation, is it an all or nothing deal?

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Registered: 02-04-2010
Mon, 02-11-2013 - 10:59am

So I'm kind of in that same situation and not sure what to do. Been together almost 7 years, in the beginning both wanted kids. We announced our engagement and no sooner did his bro announce they were expected. Kind of took our moment away. Anyways, after that our feelings changed. Hubby used to text me about all the pregnant ladies he saw and it just stopped. We stopped talking about, kept saying we weren't going to have a baby and live the "high life" lol. Traveling all the time etc. so fast forward to today and I am ready to have a baby. We built a new home, financially got ourselves in a good spot. And my husband is saying he's not sure he wants a kid. Partly because he sees how his brothers children act and he doesn't it. I also he's scared because I have prothrombin gene mutation making me high risk. He has a hard time talking to me about and it just gets me more upset not talking about it. Our friend circle seems to be changing because most either have older children or are starting families. We're the only childless couple left.
Any suggestions?

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 02-11-2013 - 2:10pm

That's a tough one :(  With regards to how his brother's children act, while all kids misbehave you don't need to raise them in the same manner.  If you don't like how he does it, than do it differently.  Also, it's a bit easier to deal with when they are your children.    

I had to do some research on the gene mutation you mentioned, that's the first I've heard of it.  I did find a study that found no higher risks in women with the mutation than without: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20027028

I'm sure you could talk with a high risk ob/gyn to get their take on your risks involved, that might help to ease his fears and concerns.  I totally understand how his unwillingness to talk about it only hurts you further, you could try writing him a letter explaining that.  Would he be willing to discuss his feelings with a counselor, with or without you?

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Registered: 02-04-2010
Mon, 02-11-2013 - 6:45pm

Will definitely use do things differently and have mentioned that repeatedly. I actually had a miscarriage in 05 and met with a high risk doctor and will have to be on daily injections throughout pregnancy. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2010
Mon, 02-11-2013 - 6:45pm

Will definitely use do things differently and have mentioned that repeatedly. I actually had a miscarriage in 05 and met with a high risk doctor and will have to be on daily injections throughout pregnancy. 

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Tue, 02-12-2013 - 11:41am
I'm sorry about your miscarriage, that's hard :( What type of injections will you have to be on?