Feeling pretty low right now

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2010
Feeling pretty low right now
5
Thu, 11-17-2011 - 12:05am

So while I don't want kids, I think I'd regret it if we didn't have them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2011
Thu, 11-17-2011 - 5:05pm

First off, big

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2010
Thu, 11-17-2011 - 10:09pm

He doesn't know I'm ready to disappear.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2011
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 12:00pm
I think you need to insist on counseling. Make the appointment and if he doesn't want to go, than go alone. What does he think is going to happen if your feelings don't change after you have a baby? Does he not realize that your resentment over losing the things that are important to you will hurt your child? It's not fair to bring a baby into a situation where it's not wanted by both parents.

I don't think you sound stuck up at all, it's just the way you feel. There are a lot of people out there that are very happy being child-free, and there is no guilt at all in feeling that way. I really respect you for being honest with yourself about what you want in life.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2010
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 12:43pm

See, but even the way you phrase it bothers me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2011
Sun, 11-20-2011 - 11:53pm
I'm sorry if that came across wrong. Your feelings are important. If you aren't happy than that will affect everyone around you, I'm having a hard time wording this but here goes... you can't be a good mom if you are unfulfilled. You have to be both a woman and a mom, if you lose yourself in motherhood than what else will you have in your life? That's why I take time for myself and have no problem working. I have to feel successful in areas outside of my kids. I don't want to be defined solely on being a mother. I hope I'm making sense. You do matter!! It's all about balance.

As far as the good things. Kids have taught me to appreciate the little things, take time to play. I'm more patient and empathetic. They bring love to your life, they look for your guidance, want your comfort, and trust that you will be there for them. It's touching their face, seeing yourself in them and marveling at their differences. As much as mine can drive me up the wall at times, nothing can replace their hugs and cuddles. I'm not trying to sway you at all, just sharing my pros of having kids. There are also a lot of cons, it's really what is more important to you.

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