YES? NO? MAYBE? Opinions-- PLEASE.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
YES? NO? MAYBE? Opinions-- PLEASE.
Mon, 03-18-2013 - 3:26pm

Okay, I am going to try and keep this simple. I am 24, I had my son when I was 18. He is now 5. I met my SO when my son was 2. My SO has been the only father he has known. My SO and I are engaged, we rent our home and will probably purchase one in the near future. I have a year left until I obtain my bachelor's degree and I plan to continue to to my masters then my PhD (eventually). SO has a steady job also.

I guess the idea of having a child is scary to me. I was 18 when I had my son so needless to say it was not the best reaction I could get. I was set in being a mom and had a natural birth and breastfed, etc. I would like to be able to devote that time to any future child I have as well. I know that has got to be either while I am in school still or until after I get my PhD.

All the people who are my age are having babies now instead of when they were 18 (like I did) so I get kind of envious. I am up and down about it. I want my son to have a sibling. I dont want to have raised on child and then have to do it all over again, ya know? I would like them to be close in age. I suppose the main reason is that I am ready, I do not want my children to be spaced extremely far apart and I want to devote time to a child while I am still in school vs when I have a 9-5. Financially I also think we could do it.

My SO and I are serious, I am sure we will get married one day as we are already engaged, though we are in no rush and being married isnt a prerequisite to having a child IMO (obviously, haha).

I do not know, I am just reaching out for opinions, advice, experience.

I cannot talk to my family about it because they believe I must be married to have a child and for some reason when someone in my family gets pregnant it is never good news. Who knows.

Any insight is much appreciated. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2011
Fri, 03-22-2013 - 2:06pm

While I don't think you have to be married to have a child, it's important to be in a solid relationship, which it sounds like you are.  I can totally understand your feelings of just being ready for a new baby.  My only suggestion would be to wait until you are closer to finish your bachelors.  You could always start TTC sometime next fall so that the baby would be born after you are finished.  I just think it's prudent to have that under your belt for security.  That way you can take your time, choose a Master's program and work on that while your baby is little.  

Ignore your family, btw, it's your life not theirs!



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