gender disappointment

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2007
gender disappointment
Tue, 10-30-2012 - 12:48pm

Thinking about it today, and I'm kind of irritated by the term 'gender disappointment'.  It seemed to fit for me, but when I really think about it, was I disappointed with my sons?  No never.  Once I met them, my sons are my world.  Just disappointed I didn't get a daughter, but still overjoyed with having a son.  I think I need to coin a new term for this obsession/problem that plagues me and many other mothers.  I'm not sure what it needs to be called, but I don't like the implications that it sounds like.  Disappointed in general, but not with my baby boys.  Disappointed in not experiencing the dream gender and all it entails.  Pink clothes and frilly things and dolls.  I think it just needs to be called 'the boys club'.  I'm experiencing the boys club.  I wanted to be a part of the girls club, but find myself in the boys club.  I'm thoroughly enjoying the boys club, but it still leaves me wondering and feels like I'm missing something special that only belongs to the girls club.  If I could be a part of both clubs, I'd miss nothing, I'd be complete.  I think I'm always going to be left mystified by the girls club b/c I know what the boys club is all about.  someone somewhere wrote something and it went something like the 'veil of gender disappointment'.  The veil isn't gone until you can see both sides.  And once you do, it probably won't seem like such a big deal.  But for now, it controls my life.