New here and scared...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
New here and scared...
3
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 9:05pm

Hello

I hang out all over the iVillage message boards, and I've been lurking here since DH and I started talking about TTC #3. We have 2 DS's ages 4 and 21 months.

The reason for this post is that we are thinking (almost positive) that #3 will be our last. And of course, we want a girl. I want one so badly that I am actually afraid to start TTC, for fear that we will have another boy. I have tried to convince myself that I would be happy with whatever we had, but the more I think about it, the more unsure I am. It doesn't help that my SIL just found out her first baby is a girl, plus I have several co-workers and friends who are having girls soon, too. My mother had four girls, and ached for a little boy for as long as I can remember. She loved all of us girls more than anything, but we knew she always wanted a boy. I'm just so afraid that I won't be happy unless I have a girl.

I've about read many of the swaying methods and I just don't know if I buy into any of it. I am kind of under the belief that it is a 50/50 chance, luck of the draw, nature's choice, etc. no matter what you do. And I have never been very good at tracking ovulation other than counting days and guessing. So I don't think I would even be able to stick to any of the swaying methods.

It's not that I don't love my boys. I wanted boys, mostly because I never had any brothers and was hoping to have the experience of raising a boy that my mom never had. I would feel the same way if we had two girls, I would want a boy so badly. It's just a matter of experiencing both sides of the coin I guess. I only have one niece who lives an hour away and I haven't been able to be a big part of her life, and my SIL and I are not close either, so I can't see being very close to the niece that will be born later this year either. It also doesn't help that my DH's side of the family told me I "better have a girl next" and that they weren't even all that excited when DS #2 was born. *sigh*

It is driving me crazy already and I'm not even pregnant yet. I definitely want one more child, I just need to know that I can handle the disappointment if we find out its another boy. I considered NOT finding out the sex when we do get pregnant, but I've read that that is not a good idea, because you need time to get over the disappointment if you aren't having the sex you hoped for. Thanks for listening if you got this far...any advice would be welcome.

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Thank you blueruby797 for the beautiful siggy!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2007
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 9:12am
I totally understand your situation. I also have 2ds, one is almost 3 and the other 1. I've wanted a girl from the beginning, but never have tried to sway. I don't know if I buy into everything either. I've heard stories where people tried everything in their power to get a girl...douching, lime tampons, eating a certain diet, timing sex, testing ph levels, taking a bunch of supplements,etc. and still conceiving a boy when they did everything "right." I kind of believe that timing is everything, but I also never can pinpoint ovulation b/c I'm irregular. I am just lucky to get pregnant at all. I'm prego with #3 and hoping yet again for a little girl to call my own. They always say it is the guy who determines sex. I think if men have a high sperm count it favors boys. I've heard if a man takes a hot bath before bd that it kills off the boy sperm. I never had dh try that, maybe I should've :/ I was going to wait to ttc but it just happened anyway. I knew I wanted to try again, but wasn't sure if my heart could stand it if I got another ds. Now it's too late and if this one is a ds, then that's what he is. He'll be my last and I'll just have to try to move on day by day. Good luck on your journey!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 7:16pm

Thank you for your reply. I don't know how I am going to feel when I get pregnant again. The only thing I will be trying to do when I start TTC is timing BDing. But like you said, sometimes it just doesn't matter what you do. I think when you figure out the averages of people who try to sway a certain gender and succeed or fail, compared to people who just BD and get pg, it would work out to a 50/50 chance of either sex anyway.

I was really happy when I had my first DS, because I really wanted a boy and was convinced he was a girl. When we went to the ultrasound for my second DS, I was really hoping it was another boy so that we could reuse all of our stuff from DS1 and so that I could convince DH to let me have another child. (He probably would have wanted to stop at 2 if we had one of each.) But for some reason I still had a moment of disappointment and even a few tears when they told us it was a boy. I think that may have been because everyone else (DH included) really wanted a girl, and I felt like I was letting them down.

This time, I think I will be a wreck if we have another DS. I know I will love him no matter what, it will not be having him that would upset me, it would be losing my chance to ever have a little girl that would be my undoing. Like I would be mourning the loss of my little girl, even though I never had her to begin with. (Although I did have a m/c last fall and I'm kind of convinced that that would have been my little girl if the pregnancy had lasted. That makes me feel even worse because I feel like I may have already had my chance, and now its gone.) *sigh*

Well I wish you luck in your last pregnancy as well, and I hope that you do get your pink! Thanks again.

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Thank you blueruby797 for the beautiful siggy!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 10:53am

Hi, and Welcome to the board,


Your boys are soo cute!


I too didn't believe too much in teh swaying methods, but I did as much as I could handle without going crazy just to say I did everythign I could. I only added a little of the boy diet into my diet and at first I did a baking soda drink, but gave up on that, LOL!


The month we did get pg I am sure that timing had all to do with our success. We are expecting our first boy after two girls. Looking back in December we litteraly only dtd twice and I am convinced the first time was the one, LOL!


Thinking back to when we

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