Feelings about baby vs career???

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2006
Feelings about baby vs career???
14
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 6:47pm

I have a love/not-so-love relationship with my job. I work in the area of international development, which is very rewarding, and my day-to-day work allows me to put my strongest skills to work. One of the reasons that we are WTT is that I wanted to get well established in this job (my first full-time job since completing my Masters), before taking on the job of "mom." I do plan to work outside of the home, but I will be taking a year of maternity leave (standard in Canada) and I think I may only go back to work part time for the next year after that.


My dilemma is this - when I get wrapped up in baby fever, I feel that I am ready to TTC

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2008
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 8:01pm

I do.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 8:12pm

Oh do I hear you! My issue is that I'm finishing my PhD this summer and therefore don't have a "real", established career/job. We will be moving in about a year from now, and then I have to make a decision: I'm turning 30 this year, and feel like I HAVE to choose between starting my career and having a family.

I keep flipping back and forth. On one hand, after being a student for so long I would LOVE to get a decent job and start to establish myself in my field. I have a love/hate relationship with my work too, but I think if I can find a job where I'm doing more of the love than hate I could really thrive.

On the other hand, I really want to start a family! I don't want to have to wait another five years while I make a name for myself.

Like the PP said, work isn't my whole life --- but I don't want to give it up entirely either.

For me, it will all depend where we move. If the cost of living is high and/or there are a lot of different opportunities for me, then I will probably get a job. If we can afford to live on DH's income or there isn't anything really of interest for me then being a SAHM would be fine by me.

Ahh --- it's so hard sometimes! Anyway, just wanted to say that you're definitely NOT alone! Hopefully things will work out for you!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 6:25pm

you're not alone...i feel pretty well ripped in half over this issue. i also have a masters degree (also in a male-dominated field, but not IT)...i spent 7 years total on my higher education, and on one hand, i feel like i could just give it all up and be a mom and that would make me happy, but then on the other hand i feel like i invested so much time, blood, sweat, and tears into my education that it would be such a waste to give it all up. not to mention that i fear i might go insane if i was a SAHM...i'd need some time to do something else. but it's all or nothing at my workplace, unfortunately. part time is not an option. and it's okay. for now, we can't afford for me not to work anyway, especially considering that my job provides the health insurance that we use. DH is self-employed, so no health insurance there.

what i've decided is that i will stick with my job for a 10-year minimum...then, if (and ONLY if) DH's business has taken off well and his salary can support our family no problem, i might look for a part-time job, or look into starting a hobby business for myself. DH would love for me to be able to stay home...he thinks it would make me really happy, so it's a bit of a goal for him.

i still don't know for sure what i want to do though. it's really a tough call, and i guess i'll just have to play the situation by ear.

of course, i don't have the luxury of a year of maternity leave. (you canadians are so lucky!) my company employs less than 50 people, so even the US's measely FMLA doesn't apply, so whatever time off i get that is not vacation or sick time is both unpaid AND purely out of the kindness of the boss's heart...he'd be well within his rights to fire me, but i don't think he will. i doubt i'll get more than a couple months off though.





































Edited 1/15/2009 6:31 pm ET by delphinia07


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Thu, 01-15-2009 - 10:31pm

I can relate most closely with Alyssa. I'm currently

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2008
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 10:38am

I feel you!


I

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 6:18pm

I DEFINATELY do.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 01-16-2009 - 6:40pm

I go back and forth, but not with SAH but more with TTC timing.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 9:13pm

I decided to jump in here because I kinda apply too.

As a teacher, whether I am a stay at home mom or working at my career I am with kids all day. Also, I have already decided that I want to stay at home while my kids are young, and then go back to work when both of them ( I want 2) are in school. I do plan on tutoring or subbing or doing something more part time teaching related in between, but for the most part I am decided on this point.

My biggest reluctance is that I have worked really hard establishing myself in this school and raising the bar in a lot of different areas. The parents know me and I have a really good reputation and they want their younger kids to be in my class too. I took the 2nd grade science curriculum from virtually nothing to a comprehensive coverage of the material including powerpoint presentations on each unit. All this to say that I am really nervous about leaving because I fear that all my hard work will just disappear once I am not there to run it and be the energy behind it.

Also, it makes me sad to think (although I rarely voice it) that the parents who talk about their kindergartener or younger being in my class won't have that chance. Of course there are other good teachers.... but somedays that thought is almost enough for me to think about staying longer somehow.

Sorry about the long post, I guess I had a lot to get off my chest lol.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 12:04pm

Unless

 Cassie 

     

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2006
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 2:54pm

I'm sorry that I'm not responding to each post individually, as everyone has an interesting perspective and

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