Question about being emotionally ready

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Question about being emotionally ready
9
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 4:49pm

Hello ladies :)

I know a lot of posts on this board are about being ready for TTC in terms of finances, schooling, weight loss, vacation, medical, etc. etc. We are feeling really good about having all of these accomplishments/stages done in late-2013, which is when we've always talked about starting to try.

So my question now is...how do you define "emotionally ready?" I feel like I switch off every week - one week I'm watching TV shows about babies, eyeing the baby aisle at Target, and totally getting the itch. The next week I have three coworkers tell me about their sick kids or sleepness nights, and I'm so anti-TTC that I consider NEVER having kids! Is this a bad sign for us being emotionally ready, or is this normal? How do we KNOW when we're emotionally ready?

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 12:43pm
I think it's normal! Taking care of a baby is not glamorous and it is hard! But you'll know you're ready when you'll feel the sleepless nights are worth it! :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 2:02pm
I think that's pretty normal! You can't go into parenthood wearing rose colored glasses, there will be some tough time guaranteed. That's part of life though, it's not easy. There will be days that you want to pull your hair out, but there are other times that are so incredibly precious that you can't imagine not having those moments.

I think you are emotionally ready when you are willing to take the good with the bad. Talk with your partner about how much he's willing to put into parenthood, so that maybe you won't feel that you'll be doing it all on your own. For example, if the baby is sick is he willing to clean up the mess? If a baby is up all night, is he willing to trade shifts with you so you both can get some sleep?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 8:08pm

I'd say it's normal and probably healthy to think about those things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
Wed, 02-29-2012 - 11:39am

It's funny that I found this today. I had to go to the Evil Empire (aka Walmart) yesterday afternoon. There was this kid just *screaming* about some toy that he wanted. This kid was maybe 5 or 6 (IMO that is way too old to be acting like that, but since I'm not a mother yet, I don't get an opinion). From across the store I finally heard the mother agree to get the kid whatever it is he wanted. Previously, that would have been enough to make me rethink the kid thing for a few days. This time it lasted until 5 minutes after the kid stopped screaming. I just filed the incident under "things I won't do as a parent" and moved on.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Wed, 02-29-2012 - 11:46am
That would've made me cringe also, I tend to get more stubborn when my kids are throwing a tantrum ;) I think it's a good idea to say "no" often, even when its something that might be reasonable, like a candy bar. I will sometimes allow it, but never want it to become expected that they always get a treat at the store.

One thing to keep in mind is that you don't know if the child has any issues that might cause the behavior, such as autism. That's not always the case, though, but you never know what that mom might be having to deal with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2006
Sun, 03-11-2012 - 9:44am
I'm not a mom yet, but I feel emotionally ready; DH does not. I think having a realistic view, like folks have said, is getting emotionally ready. I think it's also a desire to share life with your baby, to teach him/her about the world and help him grow into a wonderful person. I think being able to deal with stress, and be able to handle stress as a couple and work out problems together, will be essential. That's one I'm most nervous about with DH, who doesn't cope with stress well.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Mon, 03-12-2012 - 1:32pm
My DH is the same way, Becki. Stress is hard to handle and I wish he would learn how tor relax more, but he feels guilty about relaxing! I can be very emotional too at times...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2006
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 10:01am
Stress is inevitable throughout life, and having kids will cause stress and worry for the rest of your life, I'm sure. But we have to learn coping mechanisms now to be able to deal with that stress later, and we'll have to constantly evolve to adjust to the levels of stress that come with different phases of parenting. I think being emotionally ready is being prepared for all that, and do be able to do it as a couple.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Thu, 03-15-2012 - 2:38pm
Indeed, Becki! It is hard telling this to DH though!

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