This is somewhat of a grim topic....

Community Leader
Registered: 02-06-2006
This is somewhat of a grim topic....
21
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 2:06am

.....but it was brought up in conversation with a few friends and family over Thanksgiving.


Just wondering how you ladies feel.


If during the course of your prenatal care, you find out that it is likely (or definate) that your child is severely handicapped - do you have any idea what you would do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2007
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 7:19am

I'm pro-choice but I wouldn't have an abortion unless of course I was going to die since it's important for me to be around for Ava 1st and foremost I guess.

I turned down the screening tests during my pregnancy, the midwife asked me how I'd feel if they found anything wrong and when I said I'd keep the baby but I'd be worried she said there was no point finding out I might have a 1 in 4 chance of DS or something to spend my whole pregnancy stressing if it made no odds to me in the end KWIM. So I turned them down.

My nephew has Cerebral Palsy can't walk/talk etc and the joy he has brought to my family and the enourmous amount of love I have for him makes me believe I'd love any child no matter what equally :O) And there is always the chance the tests could be wrong. For me once I could feel my baby inside of me my first instinct was to protect her above all things KWIM.

Good topic though I'm interested to hear all sides I know what my sister does everyday takes a VERY strong person! I guess that's part of the reason I believe we only get what we can handle from life xxx


Thank you to the Gorgeous Becca (cl-four_luvbugs)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 7:32am

This can defintely a touchy subject.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 7:53am
Yes, it is a bit grim. But I think every woman planning to have children should really think about that (sad) possibility.
I think I would keep the pregnancy and pray for strength, but it would probably be THE hardest decision in my life.
Like Sophie said, I think I'll pass on the tests and hope for the best.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 8:06am

Good question! This is very tough, and I'm not sure we ever figured out what exactly our plan was on that one, so thank goodness DS was fine (apart from all his minor medical conditions). We declined extensive screening during my pregnancy because we're so young and have no family history of any really debilitating conditions that can be inherited.


Next time around, I'll be 30, or close to 30 (still not old, but

wttg
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2006
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 8:30am

Excellent question and something that DH and I have discussed, but not really come to any conclusion on. It's a scary thing to contemplate.

On one hand, I feel like if we decide to have a baby, we should be prepared for any situation that may arise, including this. On the other hand I'm not sure if I would be able to handle a special needs child. I know one couple where it totally and completely changed everything - they're whole entire lives were focused on their child, and it ended up destroying their relationship.

Like some of the other posters have said, sometimes these tests come back with false results, and I don't know how much stock we'd put in them. I think what it would come down to is what the test results were and decide from there.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2007
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 9:19am

This is a good question and one I've thought about a lot.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2008
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 9:30am

Thomas and I have talked about it a bit and agree that no matter what we do we have to make sure that both people feel comfortable with the decision.

Personally I would feel more comfortable with something like Downs Syndrome than a disease like Autism just because if my child is able to easily express their love and feelings to me, I think that makes everything much easier. Although with both of those diseases I don't think we would terminate. For physical or health problems though I think we probably would depending on what stage we found out. I definitely would not want to have a child that has a 0 percent chance of living more then a year or two, and know that Thomas would not want that either.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2006
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 9:33am

I've never really thought of it.

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Community Leader
Registered: 02-06-2006
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 11:49am

I intend to have the testing and if the doctors are fairly certain the child has a very serious defect, Donny and I would terminate.


He had a very severely handicapped sister who passed at the age of 12.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 12:17pm

DH and I have sort of talked about this but have not really set any major decision.


I personally for a long time thought that if I new ahead of time that my child would have a major disability I would probably terminate. I know how terrible I was teased for just being a chubby child. I know how mean little kids can be and I'm not sure I could watch my child go through all that because of something that wasn't his/her fault.


Though if it was right now and today I'm not sure what we would do. I am a chronic worrier, not as bad as my mother, but I do have a tendency to worry about things more then I probably should. So I guess once we get there we will see what my Dr recommends. Probably like a PP said do the basics and just go from there.


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