"advice"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
"advice"
13
Tue, 08-05-2008 - 1:59am

So, I am in need of advice, or people with similar situations.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2008
Tue, 08-05-2008 - 7:02am

thats a tough one, because i think that everyone is going to give you different advice according to what theyve gone through or even what they think in general. i can personally tell you, that in my experience, there are definitely things that i wish i had done before i had my ds. i am 23 years old, so i had him when i was 22 and i thought at that time that that was old! i had secretly wanted kids for a while before that, but that was just our time to finally have one. however, i hadnt finished school, i didnt have the job that i wanted and we still lived in our apartment. so its been tough, and like i said, you now have to rethink any plans that you make or will make in the future to include a child.


but on the flip side, theres nothing in the world more rewarding than bringing life into the world. once you do, all the things that you thought were big before dont even compare anymore. i realized that it didnt matter if school wasnt finished (which i give you props for finishing beforehand!), or if we lived in an apartment instead of a house. i mean, it sounds to me like you all have your life mostly in order, so why not go for it? i too have been very mature for my age for a long time, so it didnt feel wrong for me to get pg when i was 22. you have to do what you feel is best for you and your dh and your future family. if you think you can emotionally and physically do it, do it girl! dont let family or friends or whatever get in the way.


and, by the way, if you decide to stick around, then welcome to our board! a little background on me is i am like i said 23, dh is 28, and i have an 11 month old ds. we will be trying in september 08 for #2! anyway, i hope you find our advice comforting and hope to hear about what ya'll have decided!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2006
Tue, 08-05-2008 - 7:54am

I'm right there with you. I'm 22 and DH is 24, and we got married last year. I want to TTC as soon as we buy a house, which we're looking at now and will buy in the next year or so.
As soon as we do, I consider us ready! Sure, it would be nice if we had more money saved up. That's the case for anything - buying a house, a car, retirement, etc. But like you said, I really think children will be something we'll "accomplish" as a couple and I think that will mean more to us than going on big vacations alone will.

We've both finished school, we have jobs we like, and we're married. Add a house and we're good. But EVERYONE tells us to wait and wait.

What also hurts my feelings is when I tell people I'm married and they go "YOU'RE MARRIED ALREADY?!" My mom got married at 21 too. She's my role model, so I didn't see anything wrong with me doing the same. But coworkers, etc have made me feel so bad about my marriage, as if it's doomed.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
Tue, 08-05-2008 - 8:21am

Hi! I'm Megan, a WTT grad. DH and I are 24, almost 25, we've been married for 3 years, and I'm about 32 weeks pregnant. I'm not about to tell you you're not ready to be parents, because that would be incredibly hypocritical of me in my situation, lol.


However, I can tell you that in the last week or so it's really hit home to me that my life is going to be completely different in about 8 weeks or so. I have mixed emotions about this. On the one hand, I am just absolutely ecstatic to be a mother and can't wait to meet my son. On the other hand, I have started to think of all the things that I meant to do before I had kids. Most of these plans will now have to be altered or put off until he's at least a little older.


Also, the economy was stronger and our financial situation was better when we started TTC. Now, I'm worried about when exactly this recession is going to bottom out and how we're going to weather the storm with a child to take care of. We own our home and it's on a fixed mortgage,

wttg
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2007
Tue, 08-05-2008 - 9:12am

Hey Katie!!


First let me say that I am in your shoes!!! I am getting married this Saturday and originally DF and I had said we would TTC naturally.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Tue, 08-05-2008 - 11:06am

DH graduated college in 2003 at age 20 and got a full time job.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Tue, 08-05-2008 - 12:59pm

Hi Katie-


Just go with your gut. You and your DF are the only ones that can make that decision and the ones who have to live with it, not everyone else.


My DBF and I were together almost 2 years when we found out I was pregnant 2 months after I turned 21. We were not married, but had talked about getting married and having kids when we were older. I had a lot of people at work, with whom I was very close to, looking down upon me for being young, unmarried and pregnant. It hurt me, but I knew that we were going to be giving this child just as much love as if we were married and older. I had my DS shortly before turning 22 and my DH was 22. Our son will soon be 4 and we have been married for 2 years, just bought our 2nd house which we are completely renovating, and plan on TTC #2 next month hopefully.


On the other hand, I can see other's points of view too. Only because I am sad that my DH and I never had "couple" time after we were married for just the two of us. But if you and your future DH are ok with that, then by all means, go for it! It has nothing to do with age or any of that so listen to your heart and do what you feel is right.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2007
Tue, 08-05-2008 - 1:43pm

Hey Katie,

I think you've gotten great advice from everyone already. I also relate to you. Right now, I'm 25, DH is 30, and we first started TTCing last year when we'd been married for about six months. We didn't really tell anyone our plans, and my parents and family especially was constantly telling us to wait, that we weren't in any rush. In my head I disagreed with them, but I pretended that I agreed. We didn't get PG at first and decided to wait about a year to start trying, not because of what my parents were saying, but because of a lot of other things.

But now, a year later, my family has totally changed their tune. My extended family is constantly asking us when we will have kids, and even my parents have stopped telling us that it's too soon and we should wait. So without any arguing at all, they came around.

I would suggest that you ignore the nay-sayers, or pretend to agree with them. Arguing at this point is not going to get you anywhere, since you aren't even planning to start trying until next Spring. So in a way, you actually agree with them that you should wait, you just disagree about how long. And I'm guessing that by the spring, by the time you start TTCing, your families will be more supportive. And if you don't tell them you are TTCing, then by the time you actually get PG, they will be even more on board, and when you eventually tell them that you are PG, they will be happy for you.

So realize that time is on your side and even six months can work wonders for helping your family feel more confident in you guys. I hope you stick around on the board until then!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2006
Tue, 08-05-2008 - 3:31pm

Hi Katie,


Just to add to what everyone else has said - I don't think there's a "perfect" time for any couple to start a family, and there's certainly not a time that will work for everyone.


I'm 30 now and DH is 33. From the time I finished my Bachelor's degree I'd pretty much decided that I wanted to wait until I was 30 before becoming pregnant, so that my career would be established first. As it turns out, we weren't quite ready to start as soon as I turned 30 (mostly because I just started a job that I really wanted to spend time in, and

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Tue, 08-05-2008 - 4:41pm

thank you for the actual ADVICE!! i really appreciate it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Tue, 08-05-2008 - 4:49pm

Thanks to everyone!


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