Been laying low this week . . . (long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Been laying low this week . . . (long)
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 4:08pm
Sunday was an extremely hard day for me. Our sermon at church was about mothers (appropriate considering the day) and what it means to be a mother and the bonds between mothers and children, etc. They gave out books and flowers to mothers and acknowledged the oldest and youngest mothers, etc. Special songs about mothers were sung, too. I basically tried to ignore the entire sermon because I was totally on the verge of tears and my whole family was sitting around me, none of whom know about my desires to become a mother, and I didn't want to have to explain what was wrong.

I started crying in the parking lot as we were leaving church and I told my DH that my arms were killing me--it wasn't a lie, but it wasn't exactly the whole truth either. When we got home he asked me if my arms were my only problem and when I started crying again he realized that it was about the sermon and he totally flew off the handle. As a result, we had a pretty nasty argument and he goes out the door to run. So I cried for a few more minutes and then got myself together and started to head to my parents, but then decided I would stay and finish what was started.

He came back from his run and I could tell he'd done a little thinking and he apologized before he did anything else. I told him that it just dumbfounded me how he could get mad when he's known for a year now how bad I want children and how hard it was for me to sit through that sermon both physically (because of my arms hurting so bad) and emotionally and I thought I would get a little more support from him.

Basically, I've been told that because of the shape my arms and hands are in, I may have to take a leave of absence from work and may ultimately have to quit work, and therefore delay TTC by six months to a year until we can figure out what I'm dealing with and how to get it healed or at least managed. He apologized again and said that it just made him mad because everyone thinks that becoming a parent is one of the hardest things in the world to do and it becomes a badge of honor when really it's just nature. He said it's harder to NOT become a parent than to become one. Needless to say, that sent me off on a tangent. I told him he was trivializing the whole thing--I don't want to have a baby just to prove that I can. It goes way deeper than that. He admitted that he knew that, but his mom has really been on his back lately about his age (he'll be 30 in July) and how we'll regret not having kids, etc. If she only had a clue . . .

But anyway, he SAYS he still wants to have kids, but I think he, too, is scared about this situation with my job and my health. I guess right now we're at a wait and see impasse. So I've been kind of laying low this week and trying to keep the baby obsessing at a minimum. DH and I have worked everything out and he's been especially sweet and helpful this week. Looking back I think maybe the sermon was hard for him to hear, too, but I know he would never admit it.

Anyway, for those that got this far, thanks for "listening."

Avatar for jlynna12
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 4:52pm
That would have been tough! I didn't even think of it. We forgoed church for breakfast with my mom, but there were mothers around with corsages, and I couldn't help but think about those young mothers carrying the baby carriers around the restaurant. I am soooo sorry to hear things are possibly at a stand still for you. I know exactly how that goes, and know how frustrating it can be, and how much it can make you just want to go crazy! I hope things work themselves out fast, so you can put yourself on a schedule to TTC. Just know we're all thinking about you and wishing you hugs!



Jlynn, Momma to Asher and Ada

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 9:14am
I am so sorry! I can only imagine what that must have felt like, but to end up arguing over it with DH instead of getting support must have been horrible! Keep us updated with your TTC or WTT plans--I really hope everything works out for you. (((Hugs)))



Avatar for ntaylor908
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 05-16-2003 - 9:26pm
I can totally relate to how you felt about the sermon! Mothers Day was tough for me in that DH and I are kind of laying low about our desire to be parents soon, because we don't want everyone to know we're trying, or it would be crazy with the family getting so excited! I feel like I don't have any outlet for my excitment except this board! (My mom is an iVillage CL so I hope she never visits this board...) I had Mother's day lunch with my grandma. She is my best friend, and we talk about everything. But I can't talk to her about this! URG!

DH hasn't been wanting to talk about it lately either. I mentioned to him that I was reading up about how to do at-home fertility testing by looking at your CM and BBT, and he just got really frustrated, first because he thought I was giving way too much info, and second because he said it seems like I want to talk about it all the time (even though we hadn't talked about it several days). I told him I was excited about it and it was a big change, and I didn't understand why he didn't want to talk about it. He's not a big talker anyway, and I guess he was just in a bad mood. The last 2 days he's been more open about it, b/c we've been talking about refinancing our house. We got it 2 years ago at 7%, which we thought was great, but now we can get 5.5%!! We bought the house with the intention of buying a new one when our 2nd child came along, since it's not really big enough for us and kids (it's a 3 BR, but the 2 kids bedrooms are pretty small and we use one for our office). We started thinking that with interest rates like they are now, maybe we should go ahead and get that larger house since interest rates aren't likely to be this low in 5 years. I love our house though, and we've been enjoying it so much this past 2 years, so I think I just want to stay. Who knows what will happen in 5 years?

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent--I can't talk to anyone but you!!

Nicki, TTC #1, Aug/Sept 2003