Considering going off BC...
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|Sun, 02-10-2013 - 1:23pm|
I am really in need of some objective thoughts.
My husband and I are both 27 and have been married 3 years, though we've been together much longer. We both finished our bachelor's degrees, have stable jobs, good insurance, we own our home, our finances are in order, more or less, and our relationship has never been better. Perfect time for a baby, right? He definitely think so.
I, on the other hand, am much more hesitant for many reasons, not the least of which is being terrified of pregnancy. I know I want to have a family at some point, but I am so concerned about the changes to our lives. I mean, you can read all the books, articles and quizzes out there, and talk to friends and family, but you still do not really know when its the right time or if you will really be able to handle the challenges ahead. I talked a bit to my doctor at my last physical, but she wasn't very helpful. She said she didn't see any health reasons not to go for it, but she wasn't especially supportive.
Many of our best friends are becoming parents now, and I really enjoy spending time with them and their families. After hanging out with them, I tend to come home thinking really positively about getting pregnant, but I'm dragged back down to a negative place (or maybe reality...?) not long after.
-I'm worried about how it will change our relationship. It's great. It's low-stress. We have so much fun together and really make each other happy. It's probably selfish to say this, but I really love being "DINK"s. We can go out to eat, visit friends, go for a hike with our dogs, see a show, or go on a road trip without really giving it a thought. I don't know if I'm ready to sacrifice that, which leads to my next concern...
-The strain on finances. Right now, we're comfortable. Not rich by any means, but I'm never worried that we won't be able to pay our bills. Everytime I see the figures of what it costs to raise a child, I wonder how it would really work for us. I feel so selfish saying this because I know people make due with a lot less than we have, but I also know I want to know I can give my kids the life I want them to have.
-I'm extremely concerned about how having kids will affect my job. I work outside a lot, occasionally have to handle chemicals, and to make things tricky, my boss never had kids and really does not like them at all. I really love my job, and I'm afraid of the time, energy, and motivation that pregnancy and parenthood will take away from that. I'm not sure how I will go about talking to him, as there are certain things I won't be able to do while pregnant, or even while ttc.
-I'm worried about having a support system. Our families would probably be happy if we decided to have a baby now, but they live hours away and couldn't really be much help in a physical way.
-Kind of a silly reason, but I'm going to be a friend's MOH this summer... She's not exactly kid-friendly and probably would extremely upset if I decided to get pregnant now.
How do I get past these things and just go for it? I can't imagine there being a better time... None of my concerns are things I can really change, it seems like I just need to stop worrying so much. Moms and future moms, what made you finally decide you are ready?