Deciding How long I should Wait

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
Deciding How long I should Wait
25
Mon, 07-21-2008 - 3:53pm

I am 26, DH is 27, we have been married for a few months. We are both starting grad school next semester. He will be quitting his job to go to school full time. I will be the only one working, and I will also be going to school most nights. I should be done with school by Dec 2009 or April 2010. I am going to be supporting the both of us while he finishes med school, which will be in 2011. Thankfully I make pretty good money to support the both of us, in fact I make about as much as the average middle class family household income. My career has always been the priority in my life and the same for my DH. We want to make a good life for ourselves in preparation for a family, so that we could give our kids a good life. Recently, for the past year or so I have been having some serious desires to be a mom, call it age, call it maternal instinct. I cannot stop thinking about how much I want to have a baby, how much I want to be a mother, I seriously fantasize so much about it I am starting to question if its even normal. The current “plan” we have is to wait till we are BOTH done with school, this would mean I would be TTC when I am close to 30. The thought of waiting that long to have a baby is very disappointing to me, and it scares me in so many ways. I don’t want to be one of those women who wait for the perfect time to get pregnant and then find that I’ve waited too long and I have to have fertility treatments or something like that. I’m wondering how realistic is our plan and how much longer we are going to postpone having a baby. Once he finishes med school he may say he wants to wait to pay off debt, or become a resident, I don’t know, theres always a reason why its never the right time to have a baby. I haven’t talked to this about him, he just thinks I agree with our “plan” because realistically he is right. If I get pregnant now it will basically ruin my chances for a promotion but if I wait 3 years I fear that I would have wished I had kids sooner. I want to have 2 or 3. I know I need to talk to my DH about this, but i know he will think I’m crazy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Mon, 07-21-2008 - 4:23pm

Welcome! I'm pretty new here too ;)


I, along with many women on this board can empathize, especially with not being on the same page as DH. Everyone's situation is different, but it always seems to boil down to the fact that no one is ever truly ready to have a baby. Maybe just tell DH how you're feeling, and if it would be alright to set aside a time to revisit the issue once you are both in grad school. You may both get into your work/school routine and decide that you definitely should wait, or you may say, "Hey, we can handle this and a baby!"


You can't really work a baby into your life as you know it now, or as you have it planned. You can only work your life around a baby. It is doable, people do it all the time at every age, family size, and income level.


Most important is to be honest with your DH about how you're feeling, at the very least!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2008
Mon, 07-21-2008 - 4:26pm

Welcome!

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Registered: 09-29-2006
Mon, 07-21-2008 - 4:28pm

Hi there!


I don't think there's ever an easy answer to that question.


For me personally, knowing I wanted to devote a significant portion of my young-adult years to establishing my career led me to decide early on that I would wait until I was 30 to start having children. Then, actually, I went back for my MA and changed career paths

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
Mon, 07-21-2008 - 5:06pm

Thanks! This board is really helpful. Reading everything makes me realize that I should be honest with my DH about how I REALLY feel and not just agree with him everytime the baby conversation comes up. Usually I just say something like "Oh yeah, we are sooo not ready for a baby any time soon" And He always has the same answer when people ask him when we are planning on starting a family, and its usually "we are still too young to even think about having babies" and I want to scream: WE ARE IN OUR LATE 20S!!! LOL

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Mon, 07-21-2008 - 5:57pm

Hi and welcome! I'm Kimberly (23) my s/o is Stephen (25). I'm hoping to start TTC in 2010, but having trouble getting him on board with the plan. That would mean for us, to me married by next summer but he's all about wanting everything to be 'perfect' besides he'd be happy waiting another 5 years or so. I really want to have all my kids by the time I'm 30. We want 2, and possibly a 3rd. It's frustrating. I've tried talking to him about it, but it never gets anywhere. We were supposed to get married this summer, but things came up and it didn't work out. So I'm stuck waiting on both.

I hope things work out for you, and your husband is understanding. :-)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2008
Mon, 07-21-2008 - 6:42pm

Hi!


Welcome to the board!

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Registered: 01-29-2008
Mon, 07-21-2008 - 7:14pm
Hi and welcome to the board!




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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Mon, 07-21-2008 - 11:43pm

Hi I'm Cassie (25) and my DH is Matt (24). My DH will be startig college this fall after 5.5 years in the army. I have been stressing out pretty bad about finding a job that will take care of both of us so he doesn't have to work full time and go to school full time. You are very lucky to have the kind of career that has such a nice sounding salery. What is it that you do, if you don't mind me asking? What will you be getting your Masters in?


Anywho, I know your feelings. When DH and I got married we had originally planned to wait on children until he was done with college, which would have made us almost 30 as well. Then it got moved to trying to plan for a delivery around the end of his Junior year. We are currently planning to TTC in Aug/September of 09. Putting a baby the end of his Sophomore year of college. I really would like us to be started before I am 30, we just have to wait and see how things are looking this time next year.


I also understand about the BCP. I have been on it for 8 years and just stopped taking. So far everything has been pretty normal, but I have only been through one cycle. hopfully it continues.


Good luck talking with your DH on the topic. Welcome to the group these ladies are great to talk to and give you so many ideas and different wants to look at things.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2008
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 12:49am

I'm Jen (31) and I've been married for 9 months.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
Tue, 07-22-2008 - 8:29am

What you say makes a lot of sense, and that’s what the realist in me says. I have my BS in Accounting and I’m a CPA, I’m going for a Masters in Accounting & Taxation. I know there are only 24 hours in the day (unfortunately) and Its already hard to juggle school, work, house, and the gym. I think you are right in waiting till I am at least almost done with school, which could be as early as Dec 2009 or April 2010. If I start TTC in Fall of 2009, I could be pregnant or very pregnant by the time I am done with school, which wouldn’t be such a bad thing. DH however would still be on school for at least another 2 years. So I am going to have

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